what's the point of a title?

July 29th

Reporting

Here we go again, into the land of numbers and accuracy and endless repetition. I really do understand the importance of accurate reporting but man does it make you want to pull all your hair out and jump on your bed singing songs at the top of your lungs. We’re well on our way into planning our next workshop. This one will focus on training our community TB care promoters in the settlements, although recently we found out that additional CTBCs and health education assistants will be joining us. Botswana has rolled out a new National Treatment Guidelines for TB and HIV and CTBC Guidelines as well as begun a whole new focus which highlights the importance of acknowledging the relationship between HIV and TB.
Thus we need to bring all of the CTBCs up to speed. This will also be a chance to see if they really understand what they’re teaching community members and if they are creative in their explanations in case people don’t understand. Since we’ve also been having reporting issues with them we’ll also go through a refresher session to clarify what we want and go over any issues or confusion they may have on reporting. This is the session I am responsible for facilitating. Hopefully afterwards they don’t think I’m the most boring person in the world....
My PCV roomie got her furniture so she’s moving out tomorrow it looks like. She’s also headed to Gabarone for a few weeks so I will be in the office with Gae alone.. eek. Hopefully she doesn’t decide to eat me. No it shouldn’t be to bad as long as I don’t really say anything. I’m supposed to go to Gabs with Dinah to visit friends and watch Harry Potter but I can’t find anyone to watch the puppies that I trust so I may actually back out.
The good news is though that I just found out I have 20 leave days... though I don’t know if weekends count within that..... Since Christmas vacation at work is like two weeks, with my 20 days it looks like I’ll be able to come home early! Maybe even the last week of November... that is if I actually get any research done. I guess I would be okay at this point with dropping the whole research thing and just doing an independent project when I get back. Especially considering I’ll have an extra year basically before everyone else gets back from placement. I’m hoping that I can get credits for studying French in Alliance Francais and then I can go from January to May, come back in the summer and do some credits or just work on my thesis and then enroll in courses for Sept - Jan and then graduate! I could likely even just work while I write my thesis since I believe I only need 2 credits and could do those spread out over three semesters. Then I could maybe get rid of my debt before I even finish school. It all seems so close and yet so far away... needless to say I can’t wait.
What with everyone getting married and having babies I feel a little bit left behind in everything. It seems a little like I’m still in this ‘find myself’ stage, wandering the world aimlessly. Maybe my inner child really is a 6 year old girl...?Well God did say to have faith like a child... now that I definitely have to work on. I may be young at heart with and old soul .. but my faith is bitter and crusty I think. What’s with that?


July 30th

Today was a pretty great day. First it was Saturday.. which makes it awesome already. Then we had a huge breakfast, an American breakfast :) I even ate bacon. Yes the real stuff. From the pig! It was amazing, slightly burnt and perfectly crispy. We had eggs and pancakes with yogurt and cheese. We even had real coffee and orange juice. Delicious !~So I guess I’ve definitely gone to where no vegetarian should ever go... I think bacon was the last meat I gave up.. and now it’s the last one I’ve re-eaten for the first time.. I have officially tried every meat and can no longer call myself vegetarian. lol I guess that applied for a while anyways before this...
Second my dogs didn’t have any accidents today :) Yay! Don’t really need to expand on that.
Third, my muscles are sore !! No I’m not a masochist, I have just been sitting in an office day in and out and finally went for a run .. and it looks like it’s actually doing something! I also spent the day doing my washing, helping Dinah move her stuff, scrubbing pots and shopping.. so that added to the beautiful soreness.
So shopping... we went to visit the market again, saw Willemien and Morgan’s neighbours who have invited us to a few braai’s. They are so friendly and sweet... actually most people are. It seems like mostly all the expat couples are pictures of what I would imagine myself to be like if I married someone and moved to Botswana. They all seem to love organic products, have their own amazing earth friendly gardens and can make pretty much anything! I guess those are skills that are required for someone living in a developing country :)
I bought some of Marina’s Chunky Paw-paw and Raisin Compote in vanilla syrup.. it’s amazing! And a miracle happened. The other day I found pita’s at Choppies... honestly sometimes I wonder at the stuff I find there... but of course there’s no hummus and we had run into the fact that you can’t make it here before... there’s no tahini in this country. I was also pondering trying to make croissants ... a difficult feat apparently. So we get to the market .. and Marina says we have croissants! And as I sample some jam I see that she has also made hummus,.. organically grown and homemade. Seriously they are awesome!
So that made my day. Now I just have to figure out how to make falafel and I can make one :)
We headed back after some more shopping and I cleaned and helped Dinah move. It’s so empty here now without here. And quiet ! We had one last dinner together ( j/k we’ll likely still eat together often.. especially dinner ) ... and of course it was vegetable curry ... Guess who made it ? Me ! I know how :)
It’s incredible how many things I’ve learned to make here... .guacamole, curry, baguettes, cinnamon rolls, sorghum porridge, ugali/papa, steak!!, and ceviche (its all in the lemons).
Oh yea and when we went to Choppies there was vegetables! And gorgeous huge lemons .... and bananas. Seriously it’s pretty sad that I go to the grocery store or stare at a river for entertainment here. But then again I guess I would go to the grocery store for entertainment in Canada. It’s a great place to go. Peaceful and full of food... you can dream about ideas, what to cook and create. I guess I kind of see it as the same as walking into an art supply store.
Oh did I mention that my puppies killed a bat? At least I think they did.. either way they certainly chewed it and played with it once it was dead and had lost it’s head... lol. I guess I should say ew.
So Monday is the first day of our workshop to train the CTBCs, which will last three days. I hope it goes well. There are a lot of issues with reporting we’re dealing with that make it kind of pointless to record any data. Hopefully it will be fun and inspiring as well.. I think we’re going to get them to do some team building camp games which should be fun and amusing .. I’ll have to try and post some pics :)

oh so ....ah.

July 25th

(sung to Mandy Moore - Behind These Hazel Eyes)

Here I am, once again, sitting doing nothing. At my desk, in my chair, staring at my screen. Computer’s broke, boss is gone, and goats are eating everything again, within TOCaDI walls......

Yes. That is all true. But I got a free lunch today. So that is pretty good. And our French man came to visit which always brightens my day. Things are typically frustrating as usual here. We had planned to visit a potential TB patient in Shaikarawe to get her and her kids tested, but we were strongly encouraged to follow the ‘correct’ channels and to not use our vehicle as transport because of the precedent it would set. So through the channels we went... and ended up the creek with no where left to go. We called the hospital and the District TB Coordinator to find out about why the mobile clinic doesn’t have a vehicle... which is you know kind of essential for mobility. They said that it was not possible to provide a vehicle for them. The clinic I am referring to is in Mohembo and takes care of the settlement of Shaikarawe, which is about an hours walk away, but has only one nurse, no other staff and no vehicle since it was taken for repair 8 months ago and never returned.
So today instead of helping a patient get tested and finding treatment we sat in the office and muddled through the annoying bureaucracy of development. Why oh why do I have to capacitate people... it’s so much more difficult than just doing it yourself..and that is why I could not be a teacher or even in development. I would like to believe that I would be much more satisfied as a doctor that could just go and fix the patient.. but I have a feeling that I would still be limited by the bureaucracy and politics around me...and if I worked here I would be the one that couldn’t get anywhere to see patients and/or have no drugs or supplies to work with.
8 hours later... and work is almost done so I guess we just go home and pretend there’s not a mother of three children dying slowly alone because there’s a principle to be enforced. Even our ‘kind of’ boss at the office in D’Kar told us that under no circumstance can we take the vehicle to transport the nurse or the patient, even if she dies. Is this right? Do you aim for the sustainable solution and let people die on the way for the sake of the many others in the future who will benefit? Or do you act in compassion and where you are able, with the tools and resources you have been given?

July 24th.

Sound of music is stuck in my head and I just realized how much I like green tea. This is rather a random statement I know but that’s what I feel like today. Random. I’ve decided I should stop drinking coffee which means for now one every other day until I can bring myself to cut it down further. The patient got tested which was a huge success since the nurse managed to coordinate transport on his own. It’s insane when the ‘higher up’ people, like the District TB Coordinator do not actually do their jobs. I don’t know whether it’s avoiding the issue so that they don’t have to work or if it’s a lack of initiative because of the social norms they were raised with. I mean I understand laziness... I am also very lazy, but when it comes to someone’s life? or to my own career?? come on! I guess when you live in a country where getting fired doesn’t happen not working would be very common.... Yay for President Seretse Khama then... good job for firing those people. You have my respect.

p.s I would love to listen to Oh Land right now.

July 27th - Never Wonder

Wow I missed a day and I seriously don’t know where it went....was yesterday really the 26th? Did I think it was the 25th? I swear I have early onset Alzheimer’s. I was thinking about how it is here and how much I don’t fit. Have you ever been with three people for five days traveling and having campfires and never once had a reply to one of your questions without it becoming a confrontation? I have. Here it’s almost a sin to wonder. To ask Why? To think I wonder how those hills were formed, what trees those are, how long something will take...Here the rule is just don’t ask. You will find out. In fact it goes even further. If you do wonder if something could improve your situation or work more effectively don’t bother trying it. Just keep doing it the way you always have, even if it means a loss....I DON’T GET IT!
Lately my counterpart has accused me of not wanting to be here, of not doing anything. Which is half true....and yet she is standing outside in the garden right now, with all the other women...as they have been since 8 am... (it is now 10:30)... doing nothing! So who is really the one who doesn’t want to be here ??

It seems like the majority of my life here has consisted of washing clothes, taking care of puppies, sleeping and writing in this blog...Where is the development in that??? I’m actually thinking that going AWOL and heading to help out on a PIH project in Rwanda would be much more useful... Maybe I should write my thesis on the ineffectiveness of international development. Maybe more WOULD come out of an organization like TOCaDI disintegrating and letting the people pick up the pieces?

The room-mate situation is also disintegrating .. speaking of that ...I am sure she is getting tired of me.. and especially the little ones. She hates the puppies most of the time, guess she isn’t a dog person after all. So anyways PeaceCorps doesn’t allow her to live with any room-mates and yet she defied them and stayed with me. Initially. Now all of a sudden PeaceCorps knows about it, and they have put their foot down. Really it’s that she wants her privacy, and quiet and routine and I and my puppies disrupt that. Which is fine, but why not just say that? Why not just say I would rather have my own place? I know it’s exhausting to adjust to living with someone new and a new routine.. but it shouldn’t be embarrassing or shameful to admit that..So she’s moving out, to the small little room she initially had moved into... and in which she will wait in eager anticipation for me to leave. Then she will get her large house, with no puppies, can use my room to work out in and will have the kitchen to herself. I’m totally okay with that, I’m actually anticipating her move so that I can actually play my guitar again, and not have to lock my door all the time!! She’s just as bad as Matt lol.
I keep having the oddest nostalgic moments these days. Just a few moments ago I had a memory of sitting in Calla, Sameen and Crystal’s apartment working on our essays/assignments. The stress of school, with the assurance of good friends and the smell of yummy tea heating on the stove.


July 28th.
I am tempted to say I hate this place. My puppies have finally ventured out into the field.... out of the compound. It’s only a matter of time before they merge into crazy wolf dogs. I wonder if I can just tie them up? Then as soon as I let them off they will run away. I can’t believe they just walked away from me. I just want to go home. I’m tired of work and drama and arguing and this silliness.

argh.

I think this silly blog just lost three of my posts :( .. oh well.. there goes July.

dust.

I cannot believe it’s July already. Maybe its because it feels like April and the sun still sets at 6:30. You would think that being in a place where it never snows, and there’s never really winter would be really optimistic, but it’s actually kind of depressing. Everything is always never quite right, always too hot or too cold... and you never get to the deep of winter or the middle of a nice hot humid summer. It’s definitely throwing off my internal circadian rhythm. I wonder what life would be like as a caterpillar ...anyways.
I got two puppies a few days ago. We went to Sekondomboro during the hiking trail and I was asking around if anyone had puppies. We were in luck and our cook had two that were about 2-3 months old. So I went to see them, since I was bored... and next thing I knew I had bought two puppies for 15 bucks. The boy, whom we’ve named Peanut Gallery, is smaller likely because of worms and is very cuddly. Lily, the larger and spunkier is so smart and has already learned to sit :) They are adorable, love being outside and are learning fast and are so much happier than when I first got them. We’re really lucky right now that the hikers from Scotland are here because they are the best puppy sitters ever. I don’t know what we’ll do when they’re gone... I hope the puppies can keep themselves occupied and won’t figure out how to leave the compound, join a gang of wild dogs and leave us forever...When we go to the settlements I’m going to have to bring them with us at first since it’s such a long time we’re gone and I don’t trust anyone going into our house...plus we don’t have a crate. So I will be like Paris Hilton with puppies in a purse I guess lol...
I finally got a shelf to put my clothes on which is nice...and I found my lost bank card which is great since money is a good thing ...
To keep this short I will just say that I really miss TV and horses and having a large oven with consistent electricity... and this is not culture shock. This is knowing what I am missing and pining for it... and that will not change. I have realized how awesome it is to be able to buy anything from around the world, to cook amazing varied food ever day and to have a huge fridge, kitchen and stove to cook on! Also I love that there is no sand in Canada. I hated sand before I came here... unless I was lying on a beach... and even then once I left it’s soothing warmth I hated the remains of beach all over my things and person... But now I loath sand. It’s incredibly irritating sweeping every night and still having piles of dirt in your house... and having to wash your feet every day because otherwise they’d turn black. I’m all for sun and warmth... but it’s not enough here to outweigh the negative effects of sand. I’ll choose the warm short summers of Canada in sweet smelly pine forests and rocky crags.. or the rolling green hills of Ireland and Scotland any day.

p.s. i realized that if I put all my days off at the end of my contract I will be able to leave in 6 months.. since I get 10 days off for Christmas! So I'm either coming home early .. or going to Mozambique.....unless I can't find somewhere to leave Lily and Peanut and then I shall just come home.. :)