So ... about that power issue in Shakawe. Lol today was funny. I actually made myself laugh out loud. I was up in the office around 6 pm writing a fb message since the internet was actually working well. The power went out so I decided to head back to the house and make dinner. There I was making a delicious vegetable-egg stir-fry with and drinking some red wine by candle light actually enjoying the nice mood set by the dim lighting...the only thing was I was watching Pushing Daisies with the remaining power left in my computer.... So when it died and I resigned myself to reading A farewell to Arms by candlelight I was surprised to see a light coming from beyond the sheet hanging over my window. Could there be power at the office and not here? How is that possible ? I thought.... lol Then I realized what if I had the lights turned off this entire time? So I checked. And I was right. For the last three hours I had been sitting in the dark and could have potentially had the lights on....
Adding to the reasons I thought the power was out was that my fridge was not making its familiar hum. When I realized the power was actually on I then remembered that I hadn’t plugged my fridge back in after using it for lunch... ooops. Guess this gives me further incentive to just get a power bar so that I can plug both in at the same time... lol Anyways... it’s time for bed so bonne nuite!
Monday, 27 June 2011
oh so many issues...
June 26th & 27th
Coldplay has a song called Fix You which seems to express what I’m going through right now. There are so many issues here, which I can’t possibly understand, much less fix. As I brush up against them I am confused and frustrated, by the lack of apparent confrontation and effort to solve these problems and also by the outright corruption which is rationalized as ‘the way it is’....’this is Africa’....’things are hard here.’ How am I supposed to refute that? Would I do the same if I were in their place? Is this just the way things will always be? Is this how things were in Europe when it was developing? I’m not sure I have answers for any of these questions but let me fill you in a little about the work I’m starting to actually do.
The TOCaDI Health Program is run through another part of the Kuru Development Trust called Letloa. They operate health programs in all the Kuru Trusts. The way they are intended to run is very community based and with low costs to maintain. In each settlement there is a CTBC ( Community TB Care promoter ) who is responsible for visiting patients with TB and making sure they take their daily medication. This treatment procedure is called DOTS (direct observed therapy) and ensures that patient’s adhere to their treatment to prevent multiple drug resistance. We are supposed to go visit these CTBCs once a month to check up on how things are going and any issues they have with patients or the clinic.
My job is specifically to help in bringing a new dimension to this program- HIV/AIDs. Believe it or not, even with an HIV/AIDs prevalence rate of 17-25% Botswana has been focusing on treating TB rather than AIDs.. although ARVs are free and available to all in Bots. So the idea is that a focus on HIV/AIDS will be tied into the TB program we already have running, and additionally a testing day separate from the mobile clinic that comes once a month (or is supposed to...). In Botswana almost 86% of those with TB also have HIV but when a patient is tested positive for TB they do not have to get an HIV test, a lot of nurses and doctors don’t even ask. This new national program is targeting this problem so that anyone with TB is right away tested for HIV and put on ARVS.
We visited a village last week to meet with one of the CTBCs and spoke with them about what issues were going on, any to clarify our understanding of their jobs. It turns out that in this settlement where there is claimed to be no TB patients, there are 10 people at least who are on ARVs, meaning they have HIV/AIDs. Yet this CTBC does not help them in any way, unless in her own time. As we try to change the program we’re hoping that they can assist them in getting their monthly refill of ARVs, which they have to travel almost 20km often on foot to get and then 20 back...
The job really feels more like politicking and business..not health. Anyways I have been having a few really good conversations with some co-workers about the issues with the San in the area and outright racism, even within TOCaDI. It’s really frustrating to see it, in a place that has so many issues for basic survival it’s so sad to see ethnic tensions that seem to exist for no reason other than basic human hatred. I’ve thought that I could possibly do my research on the issues surrounding the San’s history of leaving their land to others when asked. They are not seeming confrontational in any way.. which could be cultural and/or possibly contributed to by internalization of the things they hear around them, that they’re not good for anything, shouldn’t be given jobs and even shouldn’t eat from the same pots as other Motswana. This is the division within humanity that I feel is evil. How can human beings look at each other, in one another’s eyes, and hold their children and conclude that they are less than human? It seems absolutely ridiculous.
Tomorrow the group from Canada is supposed to be arriving. I feel like it could be an utter disaster. I have no idea what’s going on, let’s just hope that Patrick has it under control. Last night I learned that he never emailed their group about whether there are allergies or food preferences, he said he felt it wasn’t necessary... that even though we were ordering 2000P worth of food... we don’t need to ask them first if they can eat it! Well that just about made my head explode and steam burst from my ears... needless to say I wasn’t exactly a stereotypical polite Canadian in that moment. But it all seems to have blown over... and now I’m waiting for the food to arrive so that I can begin cooking.
I got my guitar today, which isn’t that bad for a hundred bucks.. the neck is just a bit warped.. but I do know someone who can hopefully fix that up for me :) Also I met a French guy today, one of Sara’s friends from Maun. He’s a pilot and is staying in Shakawe for a few months flying tourists around so it seems our little expat circle is growing ... maybe I can get a flight out of it ... surprising it’s not even that expensive! It’s about 500P each if you can get 6 people to go... which is about what I spend on groceries for a month.
We baked last night, carrot cake and peanut butter cookies. No wonder I’m getting fat. Had some wine and orange juice (closest thing I could make to Sangria lol .. ) and watched Closer... which I remembered correctly is a really odd messed up movie. Dinah’s gone now for a few days, which is kind of nice actually. She’s visiting some settlements with Gae....I couldn’t go because of this hiking group. I’m not too keen on going since there’s no toilets and it’s cold... but sigh I had agreed to it before I thought it out.
I have yet to find running shoes... and I’m getting chubbier by the day. I was so excited to get away from school and sitting at a desk.. and guess what I do every day lol... oh my life is so ironic. Now I’m sitting in the dark and thinking of what to eat for dinner....rice and stir-fry? salad? pb & j..? aw now i miss paul and brittany and jess :)
If anyone sends another care package I would love to have my Kreyol song book.. it’s got a blue cover and it’s in Kreyol.. and english. Also I would love Daisy :) I’m warning you now that the likelihood of my coming home with a dog is very high... is Hannah ready for her new dog? lol it wouldn’t be a Chihuahua...or maybe I could just have two. I mean I may just head straight to my buying my ranch... two dogs would be good :)
I’m looking for investors btw ;P
It was minus 5 last night, can you believe it ? I hope my lettuce lasts :)
Coldplay has a song called Fix You which seems to express what I’m going through right now. There are so many issues here, which I can’t possibly understand, much less fix. As I brush up against them I am confused and frustrated, by the lack of apparent confrontation and effort to solve these problems and also by the outright corruption which is rationalized as ‘the way it is’....’this is Africa’....’things are hard here.’ How am I supposed to refute that? Would I do the same if I were in their place? Is this just the way things will always be? Is this how things were in Europe when it was developing? I’m not sure I have answers for any of these questions but let me fill you in a little about the work I’m starting to actually do.
The TOCaDI Health Program is run through another part of the Kuru Development Trust called Letloa. They operate health programs in all the Kuru Trusts. The way they are intended to run is very community based and with low costs to maintain. In each settlement there is a CTBC ( Community TB Care promoter ) who is responsible for visiting patients with TB and making sure they take their daily medication. This treatment procedure is called DOTS (direct observed therapy) and ensures that patient’s adhere to their treatment to prevent multiple drug resistance. We are supposed to go visit these CTBCs once a month to check up on how things are going and any issues they have with patients or the clinic.
My job is specifically to help in bringing a new dimension to this program- HIV/AIDs. Believe it or not, even with an HIV/AIDs prevalence rate of 17-25% Botswana has been focusing on treating TB rather than AIDs.. although ARVs are free and available to all in Bots. So the idea is that a focus on HIV/AIDS will be tied into the TB program we already have running, and additionally a testing day separate from the mobile clinic that comes once a month (or is supposed to...). In Botswana almost 86% of those with TB also have HIV but when a patient is tested positive for TB they do not have to get an HIV test, a lot of nurses and doctors don’t even ask. This new national program is targeting this problem so that anyone with TB is right away tested for HIV and put on ARVS.
We visited a village last week to meet with one of the CTBCs and spoke with them about what issues were going on, any to clarify our understanding of their jobs. It turns out that in this settlement where there is claimed to be no TB patients, there are 10 people at least who are on ARVs, meaning they have HIV/AIDs. Yet this CTBC does not help them in any way, unless in her own time. As we try to change the program we’re hoping that they can assist them in getting their monthly refill of ARVs, which they have to travel almost 20km often on foot to get and then 20 back...
The job really feels more like politicking and business..not health. Anyways I have been having a few really good conversations with some co-workers about the issues with the San in the area and outright racism, even within TOCaDI. It’s really frustrating to see it, in a place that has so many issues for basic survival it’s so sad to see ethnic tensions that seem to exist for no reason other than basic human hatred. I’ve thought that I could possibly do my research on the issues surrounding the San’s history of leaving their land to others when asked. They are not seeming confrontational in any way.. which could be cultural and/or possibly contributed to by internalization of the things they hear around them, that they’re not good for anything, shouldn’t be given jobs and even shouldn’t eat from the same pots as other Motswana. This is the division within humanity that I feel is evil. How can human beings look at each other, in one another’s eyes, and hold their children and conclude that they are less than human? It seems absolutely ridiculous.
Tomorrow the group from Canada is supposed to be arriving. I feel like it could be an utter disaster. I have no idea what’s going on, let’s just hope that Patrick has it under control. Last night I learned that he never emailed their group about whether there are allergies or food preferences, he said he felt it wasn’t necessary... that even though we were ordering 2000P worth of food... we don’t need to ask them first if they can eat it! Well that just about made my head explode and steam burst from my ears... needless to say I wasn’t exactly a stereotypical polite Canadian in that moment. But it all seems to have blown over... and now I’m waiting for the food to arrive so that I can begin cooking.
I got my guitar today, which isn’t that bad for a hundred bucks.. the neck is just a bit warped.. but I do know someone who can hopefully fix that up for me :) Also I met a French guy today, one of Sara’s friends from Maun. He’s a pilot and is staying in Shakawe for a few months flying tourists around so it seems our little expat circle is growing ... maybe I can get a flight out of it ... surprising it’s not even that expensive! It’s about 500P each if you can get 6 people to go... which is about what I spend on groceries for a month.
We baked last night, carrot cake and peanut butter cookies. No wonder I’m getting fat. Had some wine and orange juice (closest thing I could make to Sangria lol .. ) and watched Closer... which I remembered correctly is a really odd messed up movie. Dinah’s gone now for a few days, which is kind of nice actually. She’s visiting some settlements with Gae....I couldn’t go because of this hiking group. I’m not too keen on going since there’s no toilets and it’s cold... but sigh I had agreed to it before I thought it out.
I have yet to find running shoes... and I’m getting chubbier by the day. I was so excited to get away from school and sitting at a desk.. and guess what I do every day lol... oh my life is so ironic. Now I’m sitting in the dark and thinking of what to eat for dinner....rice and stir-fry? salad? pb & j..? aw now i miss paul and brittany and jess :)
If anyone sends another care package I would love to have my Kreyol song book.. it’s got a blue cover and it’s in Kreyol.. and english. Also I would love Daisy :) I’m warning you now that the likelihood of my coming home with a dog is very high... is Hannah ready for her new dog? lol it wouldn’t be a Chihuahua...or maybe I could just have two. I mean I may just head straight to my buying my ranch... two dogs would be good :)
I’m looking for investors btw ;P
It was minus 5 last night, can you believe it ? I hope my lettuce lasts :)
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Waiting waiting waiting....
so tired. wellness day today - June 21st
June 22
Yesterday was Wellness Day at TOCaDI. Dinah and I stayed up late into the night making posters and a huge banner out of condoms, eagerly anticipating the next day. It started off terribly.I slept late. There was no staff on time. The guests just started arriving around 9 am...But considering all that it went well. We had about 70 attendees and we had speakers on TB, HIV/AIDS and malaria. We also gave away prizes for games, pamphlets at the health education stalls and had lunch. It was an okay day, but there were definitely some frustrating moments.
For instance the lack of recycling programs is frustrating especially with a giant pile of styrofoam to look at while we eat. There also seems to be a lack of motivation by everyone in general and absolutely no willingness to work on their own time unless there is so personal gain from it. I wonder if we in the development world have created this....? Then there was the problem with the woman who came to offer testing for HIV/AIDS. We had at least women come up to us and ask to be tested and she turned them away, first saying that she would only test TOCaDI staff, then saying she couldn’t not test them since they had been tested in the last three months, and then finally admitting she had only brought 9 testing kits. Why bring 9 kits when she knew that there would be 100 guests who could all potentially be tested? This was a little annoying, especially since it was supposed to run all day and ran maybe for a few hours. I didn’t get tested because of it.
..........its been 7 weeks...feels like 2 days....it also feels like its been years. I’m ready to go home....I find myself wishing I would get cerebral malaria so I could go home....ick.
Oh guitar I hope your soothing sounds and synesthesia will be able to keep me at least civil instead of turning into a bitter grouchy person...and I was afraid of being a politician...lol
Well at least I have my one coping mechanism left, WINE... which isn’t actually a good one..but at least it’s there.
I still have no idea what to research...nor do I really have any interest in doing research here. ... there seems to be perfectly adequate people here to do their own social research.. and they only things I would carry out would basically criticize and demoralize the people...
Everything is depressing, why don’t people do something?...why don’t people change their behaviour?
We got a hunk of cow. Yes Cow. we almost got the tail even... we stopped by a Hambukushu woman’s home and she had just slaughtered one and gave us some... complete with dirt and flies :) So my freezer has a hunk of cow ribs in it. Needless to say we’ll need some wine to wash it down.
Frisco’s working on getting me a horse... and I still have to go to the police station to work out whether I can ride their horses..but I should bring someone with me I guess so that I don’t look like I’m a crazy white girl trying to ride their horses...so I have to wait for that as well.
Tomorrow we’re headed out to a settlement, finally,... only after about 7 weeks of waiting... no wonder the health program isn’t working.
Anyone want to fake a death so that I can rush home??? Seriously?
You know it’s hard enough for me to make friends with those of my own ‘culture’, which I never really seem to fit into. Here its a thousand times worse. Why can I not seem to click with anyone? Am I that bitter? I need to change my attitude....but this is that ever present question...how do you change behaviour? And we all know the answer.. subconsciously at least....
anyways i’m eating my last piece of gum without aspartame ....and am thinking about what movie to watch. alone. which I am actually saying with pleasure.. as you guessed it I am slightly tired of people’s company. I had grown to enjoy my slow quiet mornings with the sunrise... and now I have banging pots, singing and the mandatory ‘good morning’.... Yelena I miss you! You understood my hatred of mornings.. and oh how I miss smoking shisha with you and Daisy ...
I miss my dogs soooo much... who knew what an addiction animals are. I feel like I’m in animal withdrawl. I find myself letting the donkeys into the compound so that I can hear them snorting :)
There's a choir singing in our property right now, its really nice...should try recording it one day. the one thing I don't like about the music here is that it's incredibly repetitive...and also makes use of too many electronic instruments.........
yeah ciao have nothing else to say.
June 22
Yesterday was Wellness Day at TOCaDI. Dinah and I stayed up late into the night making posters and a huge banner out of condoms, eagerly anticipating the next day. It started off terribly.I slept late. There was no staff on time. The guests just started arriving around 9 am...But considering all that it went well. We had about 70 attendees and we had speakers on TB, HIV/AIDS and malaria. We also gave away prizes for games, pamphlets at the health education stalls and had lunch. It was an okay day, but there were definitely some frustrating moments.
For instance the lack of recycling programs is frustrating especially with a giant pile of styrofoam to look at while we eat. There also seems to be a lack of motivation by everyone in general and absolutely no willingness to work on their own time unless there is so personal gain from it. I wonder if we in the development world have created this....? Then there was the problem with the woman who came to offer testing for HIV/AIDS. We had at least women come up to us and ask to be tested and she turned them away, first saying that she would only test TOCaDI staff, then saying she couldn’t not test them since they had been tested in the last three months, and then finally admitting she had only brought 9 testing kits. Why bring 9 kits when she knew that there would be 100 guests who could all potentially be tested? This was a little annoying, especially since it was supposed to run all day and ran maybe for a few hours. I didn’t get tested because of it.
..........its been 7 weeks...feels like 2 days....it also feels like its been years. I’m ready to go home....I find myself wishing I would get cerebral malaria so I could go home....ick.
Oh guitar I hope your soothing sounds and synesthesia will be able to keep me at least civil instead of turning into a bitter grouchy person...and I was afraid of being a politician...lol
Well at least I have my one coping mechanism left, WINE... which isn’t actually a good one..but at least it’s there.
I still have no idea what to research...nor do I really have any interest in doing research here. ... there seems to be perfectly adequate people here to do their own social research.. and they only things I would carry out would basically criticize and demoralize the people...
Everything is depressing, why don’t people do something?...why don’t people change their behaviour?
We got a hunk of cow. Yes Cow. we almost got the tail even... we stopped by a Hambukushu woman’s home and she had just slaughtered one and gave us some... complete with dirt and flies :) So my freezer has a hunk of cow ribs in it. Needless to say we’ll need some wine to wash it down.
Frisco’s working on getting me a horse... and I still have to go to the police station to work out whether I can ride their horses..but I should bring someone with me I guess so that I don’t look like I’m a crazy white girl trying to ride their horses...so I have to wait for that as well.
Tomorrow we’re headed out to a settlement, finally,... only after about 7 weeks of waiting... no wonder the health program isn’t working.
Anyone want to fake a death so that I can rush home??? Seriously?
You know it’s hard enough for me to make friends with those of my own ‘culture’, which I never really seem to fit into. Here its a thousand times worse. Why can I not seem to click with anyone? Am I that bitter? I need to change my attitude....but this is that ever present question...how do you change behaviour? And we all know the answer.. subconsciously at least....
anyways i’m eating my last piece of gum without aspartame ....and am thinking about what movie to watch. alone. which I am actually saying with pleasure.. as you guessed it I am slightly tired of people’s company. I had grown to enjoy my slow quiet mornings with the sunrise... and now I have banging pots, singing and the mandatory ‘good morning’.... Yelena I miss you! You understood my hatred of mornings.. and oh how I miss smoking shisha with you and Daisy ...
I miss my dogs soooo much... who knew what an addiction animals are. I feel like I’m in animal withdrawl. I find myself letting the donkeys into the compound so that I can hear them snorting :)
There's a choir singing in our property right now, its really nice...should try recording it one day. the one thing I don't like about the music here is that it's incredibly repetitive...and also makes use of too many electronic instruments.........
yeah ciao have nothing else to say.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
i'll fly away oh glory...
June 14th
I am tired. I think I would like to now read someone else’s blog....instead of writing my own.
June 16th ,
Today is the day of the African child...never heard of it. I’m watching a white moth flutter against the window, trying to get to the light, the dark ready to swallow it up.
I wonder how long it will take for it to realize its efforts are futile?
How often am I a moth, pushing, straining, against something unmovable and so much larger than myself which I will never break through? How are we as humans doing the same? Are we just all moths fluttering around thinking we can reach the light, when really we’re just wearing ourselves to death trying...?
Its kind of like how today the water didn’t work, but I decided my hair had reached its unacceptable greasy stage and so deserved to be washed...After the effort of boiling water, filling the basin/bucket and ‘showering’ I sat down to watch Vicky Christina Barcelona while my hair dried. And it dried. To a greasy dirty mess, worse than before I had washed it. How does this happen I ask?
I am like the moth, assuming if I see light, or in my case water and soap, my hair will be clean? I guess the shampoo here is really not made for white hair...we’ll have to try something else...
In other less depressing and contemplative news, I have a new room-mate named Dinah. She is nice, speaks Spanish, Italian and some French and can cook! I’m happy so far, although she has an irritating habit of locking the door. Which, as anyone who knows me should know, I don’t really enjoy, nor agree with. Even when I go out to dump the compost I come back to the house to a locked door... but at least she has good motives for doing it....I think. I still say we should live as if we live in the world we want to live in...besides what could happen? Someone steal my underwear?
In work news drama is building, we are having quite a confrontational meeting tomorrow which should be interesting. We are also finishing up the interviews for a driver so hopefully we’ll soon have a vehicle and driver and can actually work in the health program. Let me just say that I really admire those people who have worked patiently in the development world to improve capacity and break corruption... its a trying task and one which I would say is impossible. Its turns out I am not an eternally positive person. Cough.
Tomorrow I am also going to Maun hopefully with Dinah to go shopping, visit Sara ( a friend I met in training in Gabarone) and spend some much needed time out of Shakawe! I think I will also buy some good wine and lettuce :)
ps. Vicky Christina Barcelona is creepy, the characters kind of seem like the two sides of my personality....
so my tailbone hurts.. and i have nothing worthy to write about and thus will leave you with another quote
~ the horizon has been defeated by the pirates of the new age, alien casinos well maybe I just have to say that things can go bad and make you wanna run away but as we grow older the trouble just seems to stay.... Jack Johnson
Internet sucks. period.
I am tired. I think I would like to now read someone else’s blog....instead of writing my own.
June 16th ,
Today is the day of the African child...never heard of it. I’m watching a white moth flutter against the window, trying to get to the light, the dark ready to swallow it up.
I wonder how long it will take for it to realize its efforts are futile?
How often am I a moth, pushing, straining, against something unmovable and so much larger than myself which I will never break through? How are we as humans doing the same? Are we just all moths fluttering around thinking we can reach the light, when really we’re just wearing ourselves to death trying...?
Its kind of like how today the water didn’t work, but I decided my hair had reached its unacceptable greasy stage and so deserved to be washed...After the effort of boiling water, filling the basin/bucket and ‘showering’ I sat down to watch Vicky Christina Barcelona while my hair dried. And it dried. To a greasy dirty mess, worse than before I had washed it. How does this happen I ask?
I am like the moth, assuming if I see light, or in my case water and soap, my hair will be clean? I guess the shampoo here is really not made for white hair...we’ll have to try something else...
In other less depressing and contemplative news, I have a new room-mate named Dinah. She is nice, speaks Spanish, Italian and some French and can cook! I’m happy so far, although she has an irritating habit of locking the door. Which, as anyone who knows me should know, I don’t really enjoy, nor agree with. Even when I go out to dump the compost I come back to the house to a locked door... but at least she has good motives for doing it....I think. I still say we should live as if we live in the world we want to live in...besides what could happen? Someone steal my underwear?
In work news drama is building, we are having quite a confrontational meeting tomorrow which should be interesting. We are also finishing up the interviews for a driver so hopefully we’ll soon have a vehicle and driver and can actually work in the health program. Let me just say that I really admire those people who have worked patiently in the development world to improve capacity and break corruption... its a trying task and one which I would say is impossible. Its turns out I am not an eternally positive person. Cough.
Tomorrow I am also going to Maun hopefully with Dinah to go shopping, visit Sara ( a friend I met in training in Gabarone) and spend some much needed time out of Shakawe! I think I will also buy some good wine and lettuce :)
ps. Vicky Christina Barcelona is creepy, the characters kind of seem like the two sides of my personality....
so my tailbone hurts.. and i have nothing worthy to write about and thus will leave you with another quote
~ the horizon has been defeated by the pirates of the new age, alien casinos well maybe I just have to say that things can go bad and make you wanna run away but as we grow older the trouble just seems to stay.... Jack Johnson
Internet sucks. period.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
OMGSH ITS WORKING
I can't believe I am actually on this page and typing....let's just hope it posts. I think I will post all the backdated posts at once..since they're really all the same, complaining and more complaining. Feel free to not read them. In fact I don't think you should...it likely doesn't reveal anything good about me. I'm really bad at this look on the bright side of things, but I'm going to give it a go again. I should be grateful, I mean anyone in their right mind would be. I have a job that allows me to save a little bit, I'm in a 'safe' country, have my own house and 'running' water and electricity I should be happy. And so everyday I will find 10 things to be grateful about, truly grateful and not just in the sense of 'well it's better than something else',.... well here is what you've missed....
making friends. June 4th...and some 3rd...
certain things you just shouldn’t make friends with. such as...cats, when you’re allergic to them. at this moment I have one rubbing and purring and clawing at me...while I attempt to type...how on earth do I make this cat understand that i like it but do not want it to rub on me?....I have pushed it away, put it on the floor, hissed at it.. yet it still purrs away...sigh...what does it mean when cats stick their tongues out anyways?
It looks like I’ll be sniffling for a lot longer....although apparently my new roomie doesn’t like cats at all and wants a dog, which I’m good with !...maybe I’ll grow out of it ....
Went to an SDA church today, Seventh Day Adventist...and tagged along to a baptism class...the guy made the mistake of translating a question and then asking me what I thought .. lol I don’t think I gave him the answer he was looking for. He asked me what I thought God would say about a baby who died, whether they were sinful or innocent and also where sin came from, if we were born with it. I said yes we were born sinners, but that I believed that we have already been redeemed we just have to choose to embrace that reality and renew our way of thinking to follow Christ. He just smiled. In regards to the baby issue, I told them that I believed that one is most likely judged based upon what they know, what God has revealed to them in different ways and how they have responded.. obviously for a baby I said that they cannot consciously think...so no they wouldn’t go to hell.
Well lol... he just looked at me ... and then started speaking in Setswana... about 15 min later he laughed and said “ooops.. we’ve left you behind.”.. hehehe. So I guess what I said didn’t fit into his talk about repentance and people being born sinners and if you don’t say sorry you’ll go to hell. His explanation about the babies...was that in the same way a child can get fetal alcohol syndrome they absorb the sin from their mother. ....I don’t know ? Any biblical references for this one? It was interesting anyways....sang some old presbyterian hymns in setswana... I think it will be good for learning, which I have definitely decided to do... though it seems to be difficult to find a teacher, even though they’re all on strike right now. A peace corp worker I was talking with said that most of the teachers don’t really like their jobs and are alcoholics... and are using the strike to just avoid work and drink...which is lovely...and they only teacher I have been recommended is also a drunk.... so ...still on the look out :)
This afternoon we went to see a cultural dance competition which was very interesting, I was one of two white people there out of hundreds... which was great :) Good dancing and music... but as such we distracted TKZ from her work and I didn’t do my washing....
So tomorrow I get to do laundry and go to church again.. this time at Zion Christian Church which I am now a little scared of. My friends told me stories about being spit on and water flicked on you and charms being used in the service....my friend who goes to an Assemblies of God church says outright that it’s a cult... I’ll get to the A of G next weekend....after that there’s some tent church... not sure of the denomination of that .. and then the meeting of expats that meet at someone’s house, which is seeming a bit more promising, if the A of G doesn’t suit me... but we’ll see ! At least most people go to church here.. actually probably at least 90 % so I have plenty of people to go with.
Did I mention that this PeaceCorp person is also in social work...lol made me think of you Jess! Maybe you should still join...seems like something I could see you doing :) I went over for curry at her place and the best part was that she has books! and movies! so I borrowed some :)
I also attempted to bake some Amish White Bread... sounded really easy.. didn’t turn out so great..more like irish soda bread, but sweet...and a little thick like pizza dough??? It didn’t rise.. I think I may have put too much yeast in it ? I’m not sure... or maybe kneaded it too much. But it’s still good to eat...just not really with salty things lol. I guess I’m still far from domesticated.
Sunday June 5th
Well the good news is that this ‘long’ weekend actually flew by. I didn’t even get to do my compost...:( oh well it will give me something to do this week while my counterpart is on vacation. I back out of going to ZCC today...when I was told that I had to cover my head, wear long sleeves and a skirt and had to sit alone with the women... I just couldn’t do it, too creepy...guess the other guys really got to me and freaked me out.
Talk about freakin out, apparently there are people in this area who wait in the bush for a person and take their organs or eyes etc for religious charms and stuff.. creepy right...I don’t think I’ll be going out at night unless I have a guy or car to take me home.
I made a bunch of food and we has dinner at Moronga’s with Satau and Raymond and Moronga’s girlfriend. It was really nice, felt a little like family :) Hopefully I will go out hunting with them in the bush one day... that would be awesome.
The internet is unbearable at the moment.......think rush hour traffic when your a/c is broken and it’s 45 degrees and the car next to you is blasting the most annoying music in the world....no I actually don’t think that even comes close to the irritation I feel.
.....um. so any guesses as to what would be small enough to live in the ceiling of the office building without falling through the tiles?? .. yet large enough to make loud banging noises that sound like someone moving open or closing a drawer....?? It sounds like it’s going to fall through the roof....
I finished my book ‘20 Chickens for a Saddle’ which was great and has inspired the possibility of a road trip to see where they lived in Selebi-Phikwe in Botswana .I am now onto ‘Water for Elephants’ , and am about half way through and it’s pretty good, though it makes me wonder about getting old and I don’t really like that topic..It’s about a man who is in an old folks home and keeps flashing back to when his parents died and he left home to join a circus.I think I could work for a circus....wonder if they are still easy to get jobs at? I could work with the horses :)
You know I feel a lot more at ease here lately, I think largely because I keep forgetting that I’m here with the university, and especially that I will have to do research. As soon as I remember I suddenly get anxious until I push it out of my mind...Do you think that’s a bad thing? I am supposed to be excited about research right....?
The main thing is that I can’t really come up with anything good... I have a few ideas such as ....1) Looking into how the way government jobs are set up are contributing to the HIV/AIDS epidemic
Something to do with behavioural change and education etc .. how to make campaigns that actually change behaviour....for HIV/AIDS/teen pregnancy/alcoholism
The contribution of loss of identity and culture in creating social problems in the San (alcoholism, TB, AIDs)
The pattern of movement (‘forced’ relocation) of the San from their villages as others move in
Why do the recommendations made in HIV/AIDS and/or TB monitoring and evaluation reports never get put into action and policy?? -where is the action in the North???
Why does no one do anything? Lack of volunteerism, disillusioned, no hope....the biggest impediment to change...
That’s about it for now...any ideas or opinions on them would be great!
June 6th
I’m reading through a medical dictionary for my own amusement as the internet is non-existent. How on earth did businesses run back in the days before the internet? I mean how did you get answers, find funding, make connections? I guess they used phones and talked to people...such a different world. Even here in Botswana, without the internet I have nothing to do. Perhaps though that is because I really have NOTHING to do but occupy myself with doing research online.....Anyways as I peruse through the many ailments and terrible illustrations that I wish were actual photographs, I wondered, “Has anyone ever died of boredom?” I mean people have heart attacks from sitting in front of their computer or playing video games....why not of boredom. There must come a point when your body agrees with your mind and realizes that if life continues this way you may as well be dead and then you die....or jump off a building...either way your dead. I guess I could be the experiment as to whether this is true or not...so stay tuned!
On a more positive note my missing movies have returned and started to download again...although that may be a slight problem as I have about 4GB left on my hard drive ...eeek. Guess I’ll have to do some computer cleaning :)
..................................
I am currently fantasizing about jumping off a high skyscraper in some beautiful city, like New York and floating nicely to the ground where I am rendered dead and off to another world....oh how I wish I wasn’t here...
....................................
I am out to lunch. on another planet. kaput. catatonic. daydreaming. may as well be stoned. most productive thing i’m doing is giving myself skin cancer by sitting in the sun all day watching the grass grow.....bored.
Never again will I travel without my guitar. Nor without a lifetime supply of coffee and Heinz ketchup. The ketchup here just makes me sadder everytime I eat it. It’s like it’s going bad or something...which it possibly could be...but I don’t think that’s it. I make such great food...and then put ketchup on it and it’s destroyed.....even fries! They’re supposed to be married to ketchup.. how can you have one without the other....but this ketchup just tastes like I poured cinnamon on everything.
I think also tomorrow morning if my shower fails yet again I will make my own shower...I’ll just buy a large bucket and cut a hole in the side, put a tube or funnel in it and plug it with a cork and then fill it with hot water....then I can have a nice staggered shower...at least I can predict the amount of water I’ll have...
*(I did make my own shower. In a bucket and let me tell you it was amazing ! I had some flashbacks when I bent down to kill a bug of sitting in the kitchen sink for baths when I was an infant ..lol....but at least I got clean!)
............
June 8th was omitted due to the anger and frustration ...it just was not becoming.
Anyways. Tomorrow the power will be off all day. I hope my mayonnaise does not go bad and give me food poisoning. I am helping to plan the meals and food budget for a group that's coming from Canada to go on the hiking trail :) Seems just like going camping....
The office is quite frustrating right now. I am appalled at the lack of trasnparency that I am finding out about....and with the apparent expectation that no one will do anything out of good will...BUT...
It's almost the weekend. I am going to go grocery shopping and splurge and buy ice cream ... and since my fridge it empty it will likely cost me at least 300P...which is about $45 CND...I guess that's not too bad....but after living with Yel and spending 10-20 every two weeks...I got spoilt I guess...
We'll I'm off to see the Wizard (i mean read about the Wizard ..:))
making friends. June 4th...and some 3rd...
certain things you just shouldn’t make friends with. such as...cats, when you’re allergic to them. at this moment I have one rubbing and purring and clawing at me...while I attempt to type...how on earth do I make this cat understand that i like it but do not want it to rub on me?....I have pushed it away, put it on the floor, hissed at it.. yet it still purrs away...sigh...what does it mean when cats stick their tongues out anyways?
It looks like I’ll be sniffling for a lot longer....although apparently my new roomie doesn’t like cats at all and wants a dog, which I’m good with !...maybe I’ll grow out of it ....
Went to an SDA church today, Seventh Day Adventist...and tagged along to a baptism class...the guy made the mistake of translating a question and then asking me what I thought .. lol I don’t think I gave him the answer he was looking for. He asked me what I thought God would say about a baby who died, whether they were sinful or innocent and also where sin came from, if we were born with it. I said yes we were born sinners, but that I believed that we have already been redeemed we just have to choose to embrace that reality and renew our way of thinking to follow Christ. He just smiled. In regards to the baby issue, I told them that I believed that one is most likely judged based upon what they know, what God has revealed to them in different ways and how they have responded.. obviously for a baby I said that they cannot consciously think...so no they wouldn’t go to hell.
Well lol... he just looked at me ... and then started speaking in Setswana... about 15 min later he laughed and said “ooops.. we’ve left you behind.”.. hehehe. So I guess what I said didn’t fit into his talk about repentance and people being born sinners and if you don’t say sorry you’ll go to hell. His explanation about the babies...was that in the same way a child can get fetal alcohol syndrome they absorb the sin from their mother. ....I don’t know ? Any biblical references for this one? It was interesting anyways....sang some old presbyterian hymns in setswana... I think it will be good for learning, which I have definitely decided to do... though it seems to be difficult to find a teacher, even though they’re all on strike right now. A peace corp worker I was talking with said that most of the teachers don’t really like their jobs and are alcoholics... and are using the strike to just avoid work and drink...which is lovely...and they only teacher I have been recommended is also a drunk.... so ...still on the look out :)
This afternoon we went to see a cultural dance competition which was very interesting, I was one of two white people there out of hundreds... which was great :) Good dancing and music... but as such we distracted TKZ from her work and I didn’t do my washing....
So tomorrow I get to do laundry and go to church again.. this time at Zion Christian Church which I am now a little scared of. My friends told me stories about being spit on and water flicked on you and charms being used in the service....my friend who goes to an Assemblies of God church says outright that it’s a cult... I’ll get to the A of G next weekend....after that there’s some tent church... not sure of the denomination of that .. and then the meeting of expats that meet at someone’s house, which is seeming a bit more promising, if the A of G doesn’t suit me... but we’ll see ! At least most people go to church here.. actually probably at least 90 % so I have plenty of people to go with.
Did I mention that this PeaceCorp person is also in social work...lol made me think of you Jess! Maybe you should still join...seems like something I could see you doing :) I went over for curry at her place and the best part was that she has books! and movies! so I borrowed some :)
I also attempted to bake some Amish White Bread... sounded really easy.. didn’t turn out so great..more like irish soda bread, but sweet...and a little thick like pizza dough??? It didn’t rise.. I think I may have put too much yeast in it ? I’m not sure... or maybe kneaded it too much. But it’s still good to eat...just not really with salty things lol. I guess I’m still far from domesticated.
Sunday June 5th
Well the good news is that this ‘long’ weekend actually flew by. I didn’t even get to do my compost...:( oh well it will give me something to do this week while my counterpart is on vacation. I back out of going to ZCC today...when I was told that I had to cover my head, wear long sleeves and a skirt and had to sit alone with the women... I just couldn’t do it, too creepy...guess the other guys really got to me and freaked me out.
Talk about freakin out, apparently there are people in this area who wait in the bush for a person and take their organs or eyes etc for religious charms and stuff.. creepy right...I don’t think I’ll be going out at night unless I have a guy or car to take me home.
I made a bunch of food and we has dinner at Moronga’s with Satau and Raymond and Moronga’s girlfriend. It was really nice, felt a little like family :) Hopefully I will go out hunting with them in the bush one day... that would be awesome.
The internet is unbearable at the moment.......think rush hour traffic when your a/c is broken and it’s 45 degrees and the car next to you is blasting the most annoying music in the world....no I actually don’t think that even comes close to the irritation I feel.
.....um. so any guesses as to what would be small enough to live in the ceiling of the office building without falling through the tiles?? .. yet large enough to make loud banging noises that sound like someone moving open or closing a drawer....?? It sounds like it’s going to fall through the roof....
I finished my book ‘20 Chickens for a Saddle’ which was great and has inspired the possibility of a road trip to see where they lived in Selebi-Phikwe in Botswana .I am now onto ‘Water for Elephants’ , and am about half way through and it’s pretty good, though it makes me wonder about getting old and I don’t really like that topic..It’s about a man who is in an old folks home and keeps flashing back to when his parents died and he left home to join a circus.I think I could work for a circus....wonder if they are still easy to get jobs at? I could work with the horses :)
You know I feel a lot more at ease here lately, I think largely because I keep forgetting that I’m here with the university, and especially that I will have to do research. As soon as I remember I suddenly get anxious until I push it out of my mind...Do you think that’s a bad thing? I am supposed to be excited about research right....?
The main thing is that I can’t really come up with anything good... I have a few ideas such as ....1) Looking into how the way government jobs are set up are contributing to the HIV/AIDS epidemic
Something to do with behavioural change and education etc .. how to make campaigns that actually change behaviour....for HIV/AIDS/teen pregnancy/alcoholism
The contribution of loss of identity and culture in creating social problems in the San (alcoholism, TB, AIDs)
The pattern of movement (‘forced’ relocation) of the San from their villages as others move in
Why do the recommendations made in HIV/AIDS and/or TB monitoring and evaluation reports never get put into action and policy?? -where is the action in the North???
Why does no one do anything? Lack of volunteerism, disillusioned, no hope....the biggest impediment to change...
That’s about it for now...any ideas or opinions on them would be great!
June 6th
I’m reading through a medical dictionary for my own amusement as the internet is non-existent. How on earth did businesses run back in the days before the internet? I mean how did you get answers, find funding, make connections? I guess they used phones and talked to people...such a different world. Even here in Botswana, without the internet I have nothing to do. Perhaps though that is because I really have NOTHING to do but occupy myself with doing research online.....Anyways as I peruse through the many ailments and terrible illustrations that I wish were actual photographs, I wondered, “Has anyone ever died of boredom?” I mean people have heart attacks from sitting in front of their computer or playing video games....why not of boredom. There must come a point when your body agrees with your mind and realizes that if life continues this way you may as well be dead and then you die....or jump off a building...either way your dead. I guess I could be the experiment as to whether this is true or not...so stay tuned!
On a more positive note my missing movies have returned and started to download again...although that may be a slight problem as I have about 4GB left on my hard drive ...eeek. Guess I’ll have to do some computer cleaning :)
..................................
I am currently fantasizing about jumping off a high skyscraper in some beautiful city, like New York and floating nicely to the ground where I am rendered dead and off to another world....oh how I wish I wasn’t here...
....................................
I am out to lunch. on another planet. kaput. catatonic. daydreaming. may as well be stoned. most productive thing i’m doing is giving myself skin cancer by sitting in the sun all day watching the grass grow.....bored.
Never again will I travel without my guitar. Nor without a lifetime supply of coffee and Heinz ketchup. The ketchup here just makes me sadder everytime I eat it. It’s like it’s going bad or something...which it possibly could be...but I don’t think that’s it. I make such great food...and then put ketchup on it and it’s destroyed.....even fries! They’re supposed to be married to ketchup.. how can you have one without the other....but this ketchup just tastes like I poured cinnamon on everything.
I think also tomorrow morning if my shower fails yet again I will make my own shower...I’ll just buy a large bucket and cut a hole in the side, put a tube or funnel in it and plug it with a cork and then fill it with hot water....then I can have a nice staggered shower...at least I can predict the amount of water I’ll have...
*(I did make my own shower. In a bucket and let me tell you it was amazing ! I had some flashbacks when I bent down to kill a bug of sitting in the kitchen sink for baths when I was an infant ..lol....but at least I got clean!)
............
June 8th was omitted due to the anger and frustration ...it just was not becoming.
Anyways. Tomorrow the power will be off all day. I hope my mayonnaise does not go bad and give me food poisoning. I am helping to plan the meals and food budget for a group that's coming from Canada to go on the hiking trail :) Seems just like going camping....
The office is quite frustrating right now. I am appalled at the lack of trasnparency that I am finding out about....and with the apparent expectation that no one will do anything out of good will...BUT...
It's almost the weekend. I am going to go grocery shopping and splurge and buy ice cream ... and since my fridge it empty it will likely cost me at least 300P...which is about $45 CND...I guess that's not too bad....but after living with Yel and spending 10-20 every two weeks...I got spoilt I guess...
We'll I'm off to see the Wizard (i mean read about the Wizard ..:))
Friday, 3 June 2011
breath on.
The problem with blogs is that you are supposed to update them. But what if you have nothing to write? In order for it to remain interesting and not like reading someone’s diary you have to
a) do interesting things
b)be an interesting person and/or
be really good at making stuff up
...I don’t really think I can fit into these categories. So I’m at a crossroads. I want to write...as this is likely my closest friend right now...this why I’ve named my laptop...her name is Lila btw. I want to write but if I continue to I will drive the few who read it to boredom...
What to do?
Pictures? ...internet’s too slow
stories.... nothing seems to happen....
and so I have a dilemma. So I will quickly tell you want happened today and then I think I will have to take a break from my blog... maybe a day or two...maybe even a week...we’ll see if I can make it :)
Oh yea.. so today I pretty much did nothing. Did I tell you that yesterday I got chased my a protective mother cow... scary lol. Today we were walking past the strike people...on the road to TOCaDI.. and by road I mean sand path through some bush... and apparently the guys there were yelling at us to not pass, that we had no right to pass... I had no idea of course as they were speaking in some other language.
So we walk on a ways... and then next thing I know the guys are turning back to go and confront them...with Moronga’s three year old son trailing behind. I stayed with the laptop and grocery bag....and watched as what I thought would end in a fight enfolded. It was interesting.. but I had no clue what was going on at the time.
Earlier I had tried to sit in the office..but it was really cold...turns out those things I thought were air conditioners...which are.. are also heaters! what?! I know.. ...why were they never turned on before?? But the good news is that there is one in my house.... which would have been lovely if someone had told me...though I have a feeling it may keep the bugs away...then I went to Moronga’s and had some quail meat and sat in a chair for a few hours.
When we got back to the office I again sat down, on the floor...and coloured with the three year old, which was fun....At least I know I may have a friend :)
On another note have you ever realized what triggers your memories. It’s incredible when something like a scent or a hunger pain, turning a certain way, looking at the light brings a memory rushing towards you. The mouth-watering taste of a juicy burger when you first bite into it, the sound of a well-running restaurant with happy customers, a horses distant snort while they munch their dinner, the breeze you feel off Lake Ontario while you rollerblade into the sunset...and little flies smash into your mouth. It’s like you can relive these moments for a split second, and that only makes you feel older and as if time is moving much too fast.
If I could do anything in the world right now, I would go to Tim Hortons with my family, and get a coffee, a garden vegetable sandwich with a boston creme donut. Then we’d head off to the barn, where I would have my horse and Hannah’s pony and we would finish our coffee while grooming them as the sun began to set. After a nice ride we’d let them graze together in the nice grass outside the barn and then head home smelling of horse and hay and leather, tired and content and arrive to our dogs, happy to have us home and jealous they couldn’t join us.
It’s the simple things in life that make it beautiful and those are the things I miss most, the crinkle in someone’s smile, the smell of your house when you walk in (if no one burnt anything..lol) the sound of coffee percolating, the feel of your dogs head on your lap while you read, being able to speak to someone and know they’ll understand you, working internet, shoppers drug mart, the feeling of our nice soft grass on your feet, not being afraid that whatever just bit you may kill you, lists that get fulfilled, sinking onto your couch with tea to watch a movie and escape.....
I’m headed to a girl’s house now for dinner, I think we’re having curry....feels odd, like a date...I’ve never just had dinner with someone if it wasn’t someone I’d known for a while, or it was a date, or I lived with them... so this will be a first...Hope I don’t bore her...I’m tired and well.. on a good day I pretty much suck at small talk...so... :) here’s to a place where you really can’t say no.
~so come on yeah.. aah ah yeah everything’s not lost ....sing out ...yeah....and everything’s not lost...
~ Coldplay - Everything’s Not Lost
a) do interesting things
b)be an interesting person and/or
be really good at making stuff up
...I don’t really think I can fit into these categories. So I’m at a crossroads. I want to write...as this is likely my closest friend right now...this why I’ve named my laptop...her name is Lila btw. I want to write but if I continue to I will drive the few who read it to boredom...
What to do?
Pictures? ...internet’s too slow
stories.... nothing seems to happen....
and so I have a dilemma. So I will quickly tell you want happened today and then I think I will have to take a break from my blog... maybe a day or two...maybe even a week...we’ll see if I can make it :)
Oh yea.. so today I pretty much did nothing. Did I tell you that yesterday I got chased my a protective mother cow... scary lol. Today we were walking past the strike people...on the road to TOCaDI.. and by road I mean sand path through some bush... and apparently the guys there were yelling at us to not pass, that we had no right to pass... I had no idea of course as they were speaking in some other language.
So we walk on a ways... and then next thing I know the guys are turning back to go and confront them...with Moronga’s three year old son trailing behind. I stayed with the laptop and grocery bag....and watched as what I thought would end in a fight enfolded. It was interesting.. but I had no clue what was going on at the time.
Earlier I had tried to sit in the office..but it was really cold...turns out those things I thought were air conditioners...which are.. are also heaters! what?! I know.. ...why were they never turned on before?? But the good news is that there is one in my house.... which would have been lovely if someone had told me...though I have a feeling it may keep the bugs away...then I went to Moronga’s and had some quail meat and sat in a chair for a few hours.
When we got back to the office I again sat down, on the floor...and coloured with the three year old, which was fun....At least I know I may have a friend :)
On another note have you ever realized what triggers your memories. It’s incredible when something like a scent or a hunger pain, turning a certain way, looking at the light brings a memory rushing towards you. The mouth-watering taste of a juicy burger when you first bite into it, the sound of a well-running restaurant with happy customers, a horses distant snort while they munch their dinner, the breeze you feel off Lake Ontario while you rollerblade into the sunset...and little flies smash into your mouth. It’s like you can relive these moments for a split second, and that only makes you feel older and as if time is moving much too fast.
If I could do anything in the world right now, I would go to Tim Hortons with my family, and get a coffee, a garden vegetable sandwich with a boston creme donut. Then we’d head off to the barn, where I would have my horse and Hannah’s pony and we would finish our coffee while grooming them as the sun began to set. After a nice ride we’d let them graze together in the nice grass outside the barn and then head home smelling of horse and hay and leather, tired and content and arrive to our dogs, happy to have us home and jealous they couldn’t join us.
It’s the simple things in life that make it beautiful and those are the things I miss most, the crinkle in someone’s smile, the smell of your house when you walk in (if no one burnt anything..lol) the sound of coffee percolating, the feel of your dogs head on your lap while you read, being able to speak to someone and know they’ll understand you, working internet, shoppers drug mart, the feeling of our nice soft grass on your feet, not being afraid that whatever just bit you may kill you, lists that get fulfilled, sinking onto your couch with tea to watch a movie and escape.....
I’m headed to a girl’s house now for dinner, I think we’re having curry....feels odd, like a date...I’ve never just had dinner with someone if it wasn’t someone I’d known for a while, or it was a date, or I lived with them... so this will be a first...Hope I don’t bore her...I’m tired and well.. on a good day I pretty much suck at small talk...so... :) here’s to a place where you really can’t say no.
~so come on yeah.. aah ah yeah everything’s not lost ....sing out ...yeah....and everything’s not lost...
~ Coldplay - Everything’s Not Lost
writing stories...
June 2.
You know how you keep saying I should write a book Mom? Well I feel like I’m writing one right now. I’m sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap...lol... with the only intention of writing, no internet, movies or photo editing. Makes me feel like one of those writers in the movies. The only problem is that in this book, I have no characters, no plot ....and yeah....pretty much everything that makes a book a book...How do they do that anyways? Authors? How do they just make up stories, which make sense, and make the characters come alive....without suddenly bursting in themselves to give their two cents... If I wrote I book I think I would have to create a narrator who interfered too much in the characters lives, trying to arrange them and give them advice.
Like Harry Potter for instance,..how did J.K. Rowling manage to find the perfect balance of mysticism and intrigue while building characters that were lovable and so real! I went to dinner tonight at a restaurant that is going to open soon in Shakawe. ... sorry Dad I guess you missed your chance....but we could always try another town :) It’s gorgeous and so creative! Anyways Dave and Marina invited me to come and I met some vets who are traveling and treating animals... and guess what .. they may be able to find me a horse or puppy.. but only if I can guarantee that it is treated well when I leave... or I bring it home ...* cough....so we had this brilliant dinner... which was great b/c I’ve been getting tired of my cooking.. which in Africa seems dismal and was almost out of groceries....Speaking of groceries... I tried to bake some Amish White bread today... and something went terribly wrong. I think I made some hybrid between pizza dough and bread....It didn’t rise and kind of looks like ciabatta... plus I didn’t quite finish cooking it through so it has some parts which aren’t quite cooked... oh well... ah and it’s slightly sweet. At least I can make cinnamon buns :)
So I tried to download a movie.. and I turned my computer off at one point and now it’s gone... I can’t seem to find it and I don’t want to start downloading it again or I’ll have to pay for it .... sucks.
But the good news is... guess where I am ! ? In my house.. the internet is actually working here.. it’s a miracle! Anyways I have had a great dinner and some good wine and have interesting bread to eat tomorrow, and hopefully some work to do...if not I will try to get the wheelbarrow which seems to be missing so that I can start my compost ... otherwise I’m off to bed!
You know how you keep saying I should write a book Mom? Well I feel like I’m writing one right now. I’m sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap...lol... with the only intention of writing, no internet, movies or photo editing. Makes me feel like one of those writers in the movies. The only problem is that in this book, I have no characters, no plot ....and yeah....pretty much everything that makes a book a book...How do they do that anyways? Authors? How do they just make up stories, which make sense, and make the characters come alive....without suddenly bursting in themselves to give their two cents... If I wrote I book I think I would have to create a narrator who interfered too much in the characters lives, trying to arrange them and give them advice.
Like Harry Potter for instance,..how did J.K. Rowling manage to find the perfect balance of mysticism and intrigue while building characters that were lovable and so real! I went to dinner tonight at a restaurant that is going to open soon in Shakawe. ... sorry Dad I guess you missed your chance....but we could always try another town :) It’s gorgeous and so creative! Anyways Dave and Marina invited me to come and I met some vets who are traveling and treating animals... and guess what .. they may be able to find me a horse or puppy.. but only if I can guarantee that it is treated well when I leave... or I bring it home ...* cough....so we had this brilliant dinner... which was great b/c I’ve been getting tired of my cooking.. which in Africa seems dismal and was almost out of groceries....Speaking of groceries... I tried to bake some Amish White bread today... and something went terribly wrong. I think I made some hybrid between pizza dough and bread....It didn’t rise and kind of looks like ciabatta... plus I didn’t quite finish cooking it through so it has some parts which aren’t quite cooked... oh well... ah and it’s slightly sweet. At least I can make cinnamon buns :)
So I tried to download a movie.. and I turned my computer off at one point and now it’s gone... I can’t seem to find it and I don’t want to start downloading it again or I’ll have to pay for it .... sucks.
But the good news is... guess where I am ! ? In my house.. the internet is actually working here.. it’s a miracle! Anyways I have had a great dinner and some good wine and have interesting bread to eat tomorrow, and hopefully some work to do...if not I will try to get the wheelbarrow which seems to be missing so that I can start my compost ... otherwise I’m off to bed!
breakable
June 1st 2011
breakable.
~have you ever though about what protects our hearts, just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. So its fairly simple to cut right through the mess and to stop the muscle that makes us confess.....and we are so fragile and our cracking bones make noise and we are just breakable breakable breakable girls and boys.... Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable
Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. I swear it’s only been two days since the weekend....Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday and that makes tomorrow Thursday not Wednesday.
My craving for ice cream is causing me to do strange things... I’m mixing cinnamon and jam with sugar into yoghurt and then putting it in the freezer until it’s cold.
I miss luxury. I think I am getting soft. Today my shower picked to not work.. well actually after I screamed at it water did come out....but it was freezing cold. This is not the same as having a cold shower in the Caribbean... when at 4 or 5 in the afternoon you’d love to have a cold shower... and it’s not freeezing... just enough to cool you down. Considering I spent today in wool socks and wrapped in my fleece blanket, the last thing I wanted was a cold shower. And after the mini-battle I waged with the millions of ants that had made a path from my shower drain to the wall.... I was expecting a nice shower. Why shouldn’t I ? It worked three days ago.. it was lovely! Now I get about a half a second of lukewarm water, then water pressure is gone and hot water definitely gone.
How can it be this difficult to get hot water. There is a pipe... which brings water... and there’s lots of it ... I live next to the largest fricking delta in the world??? ... and there is a switch... one of the european things that electrifies something to heat the water... there’s no reason it shouldn’t work.. I mean don’t people want work around here...? I have a job for you ! Fix my shower please. ... oh wait I’m in Botswana so I don’t have to say please.. Fix my shower.
It’s a holiday tomorrow. On a Thursday, but the Friday isn’t lol. TOCaDI decided it would be.. so yay I have a four day weekend....with nothing to do. Looks like I’ll have lots of time to make a compost heap and burn some bush. I have a new plan to convince them to let me fence in a section of the compound so I can get some animals... it could be income generating .. right? I made some donkey friends today...well not really since every animal here is terrified of humans. You know that just puts me on edge. I don’t understand how people can logically treat animals that work for them poorly. Again.. isn’t it common sense to treat what helps you live with respect so that it will work with you. I can’t imagine it’s very profitable or efficient to have to spend hours looking in the bush for your animals. No. I like fences thank you very much....unless we’re talking about cattle .. then I don’t care. I suppose if I was raising a herd of horses and was going to sell them later unbroken... but still if they wander they may mate with who knows what... that kind of taints your breeding stock. So anyways if I can make a fenced field I can let it out to graze ( my donkey of course) and then if I go away I’ll fence it in with a water tub and hay and have someone come by to check on it and feed it every day. We can use the manure for compost and it can be like a TOCaDI mascot. If I don’t find something to satisfy my need to take care of something I will definitely be buying the next puppy I see being sold on the side of the road. ...I mean I could always put it in the back of the truck and it could stay in my tent while we camp. It would protect us from lions and stuff....
Turns out I’m getting a room-mate. At first I was happy and excited, but now I’m kind of uncertain....I wish it was a guy. I just really don’t get along with a lot of women.. I don’t know what it is. I guess I still have a trust issue... like I’m afraid of them or something. Plus I’m thinking the house is a little small now for two people.... There’s no sitting area really... and no counter space for cooking... and with only one pot and frying pan I think we’ll have to cook together. Also I have a feeling I’m going to be showed up... I kind of want to leave right now, without telling anyone, just hitch-hike and go...flee and end up somewhere I love. Maybe get a job on a horse safari place.. and not tell anyone where I went...well the official people anyway. I wonder if they would send out a search party? It’s not like they can scour the entire world. .. IT would definitely be fulfilling my desire to do something no IDS student has ever done before...gone AWOL. hmmm...o..she’s going to upstage me because she’s already been here for two months and apparently speaks Setswana.... oh and did I mention that she has an interest in health... sooo she’s likely going to be doing the needs based assessment I said that we should do !
It was my one idea of something I could work on....now what will I do? The amount of work is ridiculously low... I was expecting to have the most work I’ve ever had in my life... such as Elonnai had said about her placement... nope. This is the most nothing I have ever done in my life... and that’s including vacations....and likely illness. Seriously. I am not being an exaggerating Canadian. I have consistently spent every single day here being ‘productive’ by going on facebook, updating my blog, checking my email, and doing google searches, while doodling dream farms, compost bins and gardens...and numerous pets I’d like to have.... It very possibly could be a blessing that the internet is so slow... otherwise I would be finished this time consuming activity and just be left with staring at the walls....or sitting outside waiting for a donkey to come near me.
Freaky thing about waiting ...especially outside of windows at night....I went outside to dump my compost in the bin...for which I have no lid and hope no snakes go in it...and guess who was outside, in the dark on his phone. My coordinator...? Odd... so I say hi....and turns out he left his keys in the office, so I gave him mine....whatever...no problem. Then I realize I have no curtains and you can see right into my house... why didn’t he knock or say anything ? Creepy. Creeper. I think I’m on a constant downward slope....kinda like a 50 degree slope, no bumps...or inclines upwards... just down, totally contradicting the proposed ‘phases’ I’m supposed to go through.
Btw they’re going to kill the hippo.
I drinking some herbal tea stuff I bought at the market.. kind of tastes minty but a little like buckleys.... it’s working wonders for my allergies :) Wonder what it is.
Horses. Lying on grass. Guitar. Youtube. Hugs. Soft animal fur. I miss you.
~I don’t belong here.... Gotta someway fumble right through this new heartache, sort me apart, oh lovesick mistake...Erin McCarely - Lovesick Mistake
26% left in battery. 8:14pm. No internet.....off to bed.
breakable.
~have you ever though about what protects our hearts, just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. So its fairly simple to cut right through the mess and to stop the muscle that makes us confess.....and we are so fragile and our cracking bones make noise and we are just breakable breakable breakable girls and boys.... Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable
Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. I swear it’s only been two days since the weekend....Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday and that makes tomorrow Thursday not Wednesday.
My craving for ice cream is causing me to do strange things... I’m mixing cinnamon and jam with sugar into yoghurt and then putting it in the freezer until it’s cold.
I miss luxury. I think I am getting soft. Today my shower picked to not work.. well actually after I screamed at it water did come out....but it was freezing cold. This is not the same as having a cold shower in the Caribbean... when at 4 or 5 in the afternoon you’d love to have a cold shower... and it’s not freeezing... just enough to cool you down. Considering I spent today in wool socks and wrapped in my fleece blanket, the last thing I wanted was a cold shower. And after the mini-battle I waged with the millions of ants that had made a path from my shower drain to the wall.... I was expecting a nice shower. Why shouldn’t I ? It worked three days ago.. it was lovely! Now I get about a half a second of lukewarm water, then water pressure is gone and hot water definitely gone.
How can it be this difficult to get hot water. There is a pipe... which brings water... and there’s lots of it ... I live next to the largest fricking delta in the world??? ... and there is a switch... one of the european things that electrifies something to heat the water... there’s no reason it shouldn’t work.. I mean don’t people want work around here...? I have a job for you ! Fix my shower please. ... oh wait I’m in Botswana so I don’t have to say please.. Fix my shower.
It’s a holiday tomorrow. On a Thursday, but the Friday isn’t lol. TOCaDI decided it would be.. so yay I have a four day weekend....with nothing to do. Looks like I’ll have lots of time to make a compost heap and burn some bush. I have a new plan to convince them to let me fence in a section of the compound so I can get some animals... it could be income generating .. right? I made some donkey friends today...well not really since every animal here is terrified of humans. You know that just puts me on edge. I don’t understand how people can logically treat animals that work for them poorly. Again.. isn’t it common sense to treat what helps you live with respect so that it will work with you. I can’t imagine it’s very profitable or efficient to have to spend hours looking in the bush for your animals. No. I like fences thank you very much....unless we’re talking about cattle .. then I don’t care. I suppose if I was raising a herd of horses and was going to sell them later unbroken... but still if they wander they may mate with who knows what... that kind of taints your breeding stock. So anyways if I can make a fenced field I can let it out to graze ( my donkey of course) and then if I go away I’ll fence it in with a water tub and hay and have someone come by to check on it and feed it every day. We can use the manure for compost and it can be like a TOCaDI mascot. If I don’t find something to satisfy my need to take care of something I will definitely be buying the next puppy I see being sold on the side of the road. ...I mean I could always put it in the back of the truck and it could stay in my tent while we camp. It would protect us from lions and stuff....
Turns out I’m getting a room-mate. At first I was happy and excited, but now I’m kind of uncertain....I wish it was a guy. I just really don’t get along with a lot of women.. I don’t know what it is. I guess I still have a trust issue... like I’m afraid of them or something. Plus I’m thinking the house is a little small now for two people.... There’s no sitting area really... and no counter space for cooking... and with only one pot and frying pan I think we’ll have to cook together. Also I have a feeling I’m going to be showed up... I kind of want to leave right now, without telling anyone, just hitch-hike and go...flee and end up somewhere I love. Maybe get a job on a horse safari place.. and not tell anyone where I went...well the official people anyway. I wonder if they would send out a search party? It’s not like they can scour the entire world. .. IT would definitely be fulfilling my desire to do something no IDS student has ever done before...gone AWOL. hmmm...o..she’s going to upstage me because she’s already been here for two months and apparently speaks Setswana.... oh and did I mention that she has an interest in health... sooo she’s likely going to be doing the needs based assessment I said that we should do !
It was my one idea of something I could work on....now what will I do? The amount of work is ridiculously low... I was expecting to have the most work I’ve ever had in my life... such as Elonnai had said about her placement... nope. This is the most nothing I have ever done in my life... and that’s including vacations....and likely illness. Seriously. I am not being an exaggerating Canadian. I have consistently spent every single day here being ‘productive’ by going on facebook, updating my blog, checking my email, and doing google searches, while doodling dream farms, compost bins and gardens...and numerous pets I’d like to have.... It very possibly could be a blessing that the internet is so slow... otherwise I would be finished this time consuming activity and just be left with staring at the walls....or sitting outside waiting for a donkey to come near me.
Freaky thing about waiting ...especially outside of windows at night....I went outside to dump my compost in the bin...for which I have no lid and hope no snakes go in it...and guess who was outside, in the dark on his phone. My coordinator...? Odd... so I say hi....and turns out he left his keys in the office, so I gave him mine....whatever...no problem. Then I realize I have no curtains and you can see right into my house... why didn’t he knock or say anything ? Creepy. Creeper. I think I’m on a constant downward slope....kinda like a 50 degree slope, no bumps...or inclines upwards... just down, totally contradicting the proposed ‘phases’ I’m supposed to go through.
Btw they’re going to kill the hippo.
I drinking some herbal tea stuff I bought at the market.. kind of tastes minty but a little like buckleys.... it’s working wonders for my allergies :) Wonder what it is.
Horses. Lying on grass. Guitar. Youtube. Hugs. Soft animal fur. I miss you.
~I don’t belong here.... Gotta someway fumble right through this new heartache, sort me apart, oh lovesick mistake...Erin McCarely - Lovesick Mistake
26% left in battery. 8:14pm. No internet.....off to bed.
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
remember that time....
we made a whale...
we had lady bugs invade our house...
we went to see Santa...
.....more will come.. when the internet decides to work again...
we had lady bugs invade our house...
we went to see Santa...
.....more will come.. when the internet decides to work again...
gah.
I am so annoyed by the internet. At least it seems to be working today. I've realized I'm an angry person. I have no patience... that doesn't make me very adaptable to Africa... maybe I should head to China, at least people have crazy high work ethic there.
...so what are the stages of culture shock? isn't there supposed to be a honeymoon phase.. why didn't I get that? This is how my emotional progression went... Shock. Protest. Anger. Conceeded. Fear and frustration. Resignation. Determination. A little hope. More shock. Denial. Frustration. Loneliness. Anger. Fatigue.... so where is my honeymoon ? Where is the excitement, the adventure...? Does this mean that adjustment will also not come? Am I an exception... maybe culture shock doesn't apply to me?
I'm wrapped in a fleece blanket as my feet are going slightly numb. You know in the middle of winter where you're on your computer, even though the heat is on and your feet and hands start getting numb... that's what I feel like right now. Africa is not all heat and dust that's for sure... although I knew that before this trip... and yet my subconcious determined that I should pack for summer....
The one benefit that I am actually glad about being persuaded to come here is that if I had gone to Mongolia I would have had to eat so much meat... and here even one or two meals makes me feel like crap. I don't know how meat can make people feel good? Although I do like fish... but still maybe a few times in a week....
I'm running out of things to post since I am doing nothing.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't be in 'development'...,and if i shouldn't be where do I go?.... I think I know the answer :)
...so what are the stages of culture shock? isn't there supposed to be a honeymoon phase.. why didn't I get that? This is how my emotional progression went... Shock. Protest. Anger. Conceeded. Fear and frustration. Resignation. Determination. A little hope. More shock. Denial. Frustration. Loneliness. Anger. Fatigue.... so where is my honeymoon ? Where is the excitement, the adventure...? Does this mean that adjustment will also not come? Am I an exception... maybe culture shock doesn't apply to me?
I'm wrapped in a fleece blanket as my feet are going slightly numb. You know in the middle of winter where you're on your computer, even though the heat is on and your feet and hands start getting numb... that's what I feel like right now. Africa is not all heat and dust that's for sure... although I knew that before this trip... and yet my subconcious determined that I should pack for summer....
The one benefit that I am actually glad about being persuaded to come here is that if I had gone to Mongolia I would have had to eat so much meat... and here even one or two meals makes me feel like crap. I don't know how meat can make people feel good? Although I do like fish... but still maybe a few times in a week....
I'm running out of things to post since I am doing nothing.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't be in 'development'...,and if i shouldn't be where do I go?.... I think I know the answer :)
ga ke itse.
May 30th
I dreamt about Brumbies last night. Wild Australian horses. There were three, a mare, a yearling and a young colt, all red bay with black points .. and interestingly what looked like dreadlocked manes... lol. I have no idea why ... but I was fixated on the dreadlock while I was dreaming...The mare just stood there are stared at me, telling me something... but I didn’t know what, while the young ones played around her. I used to love these horses, and wanted one because who do you know with a Brumby? It would be awesome!
I actually did some work today, I complied a report from the reports from all the settlements. It was really easy and I was done in about 20 minutes.. and then waited... you see we don’t have the other reports from two of the settlements yet. I hate waiting. It’s likely my biggest pet peeve.. I mean what’s the point? We’re wasting time and could die at any moment and yet we wait... I don’t get it.. why not do something else....
I asked about my compost project, and all I’ve gotten so far is, we’ll talk about it, and so I wait... I think I should schedule weekly meetings with Gae.. maybe every Monday to discuss what we should do ....
I think I am discovering that I could definitely run my own NGO.. if this one can run with what they’re doing I think I could do brilliantly....I’m going to start making plans right now... may as well don’t have anything else to do.
____________
tight
wrapped
around me like a cocoon
warm
safe
i leave this place
and dream
no time
no words
no pain
light
shapes
breath
slows and eyes shut
___________
May 31st
The end of month one... well technically month one will be up at June 8th... but no matter. I saw a hippo again... seems it’s sick and really injured, maybe it will die by my fence and stink up the whole place...
This internet is the bane of my existence right now... and long meetings. I don’t know if I can take 7 more months of these long 4 hour meetings with no breaks.... they’re crazy ! And they’re not even productive. My ‘D’ does not fit well here that’s for sure. But at least I have lots of time to doodle... and today Moronga’s kid joined us and entertained me. He kept saying to his Dad all day, come see the white lady ! lol.. he was scared of me though... I think he’ll warm up eventually... apparently he thought I would beat him! What do they tell their kids about white people !?
I’m definitely going to run out of space on my computer soon.. I only have 22 GB left... eek. I guess I’ll have to ration my picture taking...
so it seems as if I’m competing to make a compost pile that’s better than the one they have... but really I just want my vegetables to grow....so I will compete, starting tomorrow...and for now I think I have to find some bin to put my green waste in... or maybe I should just feed it to the hippo to tame it ...I wonder if I could ride a hippo... I wonder if anyone has ridden a hippo...?
On another note I did not prepare properly for this trip. I am definitely going soft... or maybe its that I just cannot face being alone with myself. Either way I really should have thought to bring that case of movies sitting on my shelf ... which I considered.. and then dismissed... WHY oh WHY did I not listen to myself. It’s awful when work is done... that relief of now I get to go home never comes, its more of a dreaded oh now I have to go home.... what will I do? Oh... I have to cook.. sigh.... and at 5:30 its dark ... so what do you do? Its not like I can go running.. garden... build a compost... that all waits for the weekend... and so I sit, in hopeful anticipation that the internet will miraculously work faster and I could stream the latest episode of Grey’s !
Maybe if I had my guitar, a horse and a firepit I would be able to entertain myself...likely not, there’s only so much creative effort you can expend before you want to be filled again... I miss the culture of school, with dramas and clubs and Calla’s music :) Maybe I will become a lifetime student ... at least on a university campus there’s access to culture... Am I missing JazzFest right now??
I wonder if I could find some musicians and artists to hang out with here.... I think it’s almost time to head down to the liquor store and get me some good wine... If I could cook.. and knew how to host a party here.. and wanted to I would have people over for a dinner party. Aw... that makes me think of our Sunday night dinners.. those were seriously awesome and I took them way too much for granted. There’s nothing like good friends you can talk with, great food and wine, with the random prayer session, encouragement, games and best of all music!
.....umm question.... where are all my subscribers??? spread the word !!
I dreamt about Brumbies last night. Wild Australian horses. There were three, a mare, a yearling and a young colt, all red bay with black points .. and interestingly what looked like dreadlocked manes... lol. I have no idea why ... but I was fixated on the dreadlock while I was dreaming...The mare just stood there are stared at me, telling me something... but I didn’t know what, while the young ones played around her. I used to love these horses, and wanted one because who do you know with a Brumby? It would be awesome!
I actually did some work today, I complied a report from the reports from all the settlements. It was really easy and I was done in about 20 minutes.. and then waited... you see we don’t have the other reports from two of the settlements yet. I hate waiting. It’s likely my biggest pet peeve.. I mean what’s the point? We’re wasting time and could die at any moment and yet we wait... I don’t get it.. why not do something else....
I asked about my compost project, and all I’ve gotten so far is, we’ll talk about it, and so I wait... I think I should schedule weekly meetings with Gae.. maybe every Monday to discuss what we should do ....
I think I am discovering that I could definitely run my own NGO.. if this one can run with what they’re doing I think I could do brilliantly....I’m going to start making plans right now... may as well don’t have anything else to do.
____________
tight
wrapped
around me like a cocoon
warm
safe
i leave this place
and dream
no time
no words
no pain
light
shapes
breath
slows and eyes shut
___________
May 31st
The end of month one... well technically month one will be up at June 8th... but no matter. I saw a hippo again... seems it’s sick and really injured, maybe it will die by my fence and stink up the whole place...
This internet is the bane of my existence right now... and long meetings. I don’t know if I can take 7 more months of these long 4 hour meetings with no breaks.... they’re crazy ! And they’re not even productive. My ‘D’ does not fit well here that’s for sure. But at least I have lots of time to doodle... and today Moronga’s kid joined us and entertained me. He kept saying to his Dad all day, come see the white lady ! lol.. he was scared of me though... I think he’ll warm up eventually... apparently he thought I would beat him! What do they tell their kids about white people !?
I’m definitely going to run out of space on my computer soon.. I only have 22 GB left... eek. I guess I’ll have to ration my picture taking...
so it seems as if I’m competing to make a compost pile that’s better than the one they have... but really I just want my vegetables to grow....so I will compete, starting tomorrow...and for now I think I have to find some bin to put my green waste in... or maybe I should just feed it to the hippo to tame it ...I wonder if I could ride a hippo... I wonder if anyone has ridden a hippo...?
On another note I did not prepare properly for this trip. I am definitely going soft... or maybe its that I just cannot face being alone with myself. Either way I really should have thought to bring that case of movies sitting on my shelf ... which I considered.. and then dismissed... WHY oh WHY did I not listen to myself. It’s awful when work is done... that relief of now I get to go home never comes, its more of a dreaded oh now I have to go home.... what will I do? Oh... I have to cook.. sigh.... and at 5:30 its dark ... so what do you do? Its not like I can go running.. garden... build a compost... that all waits for the weekend... and so I sit, in hopeful anticipation that the internet will miraculously work faster and I could stream the latest episode of Grey’s !
Maybe if I had my guitar, a horse and a firepit I would be able to entertain myself...likely not, there’s only so much creative effort you can expend before you want to be filled again... I miss the culture of school, with dramas and clubs and Calla’s music :) Maybe I will become a lifetime student ... at least on a university campus there’s access to culture... Am I missing JazzFest right now??
I wonder if I could find some musicians and artists to hang out with here.... I think it’s almost time to head down to the liquor store and get me some good wine... If I could cook.. and knew how to host a party here.. and wanted to I would have people over for a dinner party. Aw... that makes me think of our Sunday night dinners.. those were seriously awesome and I took them way too much for granted. There’s nothing like good friends you can talk with, great food and wine, with the random prayer session, encouragement, games and best of all music!
.....umm question.... where are all my subscribers??? spread the word !!
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