OMGSH ITS WORKING

I can't believe I am actually on this page and typing....let's just hope it posts. I think I will post all the backdated posts at once..since they're really all the same, complaining and more complaining. Feel free to not read them. In fact I don't think you should...it likely doesn't reveal anything good about me. I'm really bad at this look on the bright side of things, but I'm going to give it a go again. I should be grateful, I mean anyone in their right mind would be. I have a job that allows me to save a little bit, I'm in a 'safe' country, have my own house and 'running' water and electricity I should be happy. And so everyday I will find 10 things to be grateful about, truly grateful and not just in the sense of 'well it's better than something else',.... well here is what you've missed....


making friends. June 4th...and some 3rd...

certain things you just shouldn’t make friends with. such as...cats, when you’re allergic to them. at this moment I have one rubbing and purring and clawing at me...while I attempt to type...how on earth do I make this cat understand that i like it but do not want it to rub on me?....I have pushed it away, put it on the floor, hissed at it.. yet it still purrs away...sigh...what does it mean when cats stick their tongues out anyways?
It looks like I’ll be sniffling for a lot longer....although apparently my new roomie doesn’t like cats at all and wants a dog, which I’m good with !...maybe I’ll grow out of it ....
Went to an SDA church today, Seventh Day Adventist...and tagged along to a baptism class...the guy made the mistake of translating a question and then asking me what I thought .. lol I don’t think I gave him the answer he was looking for. He asked me what I thought God would say about a baby who died, whether they were sinful or innocent and also where sin came from, if we were born with it. I said yes we were born sinners, but that I believed that we have already been redeemed we just have to choose to embrace that reality and renew our way of thinking to follow Christ. He just smiled. In regards to the baby issue, I told them that I believed that one is most likely judged based upon what they know, what God has revealed to them in different ways and how they have responded.. obviously for a baby I said that they cannot consciously think...so no they wouldn’t go to hell.
Well lol... he just looked at me ... and then started speaking in Setswana... about 15 min later he laughed and said “ooops.. we’ve left you behind.”.. hehehe. So I guess what I said didn’t fit into his talk about repentance and people being born sinners and if you don’t say sorry you’ll go to hell. His explanation about the babies...was that in the same way a child can get fetal alcohol syndrome they absorb the sin from their mother. ....I don’t know ? Any biblical references for this one? It was interesting anyways....sang some old presbyterian hymns in setswana... I think it will be good for learning, which I have definitely decided to do... though it seems to be difficult to find a teacher, even though they’re all on strike right now. A peace corp worker I was talking with said that most of the teachers don’t really like their jobs and are alcoholics... and are using the strike to just avoid work and drink...which is lovely...and they only teacher I have been recommended is also a drunk.... so ...still on the look out :)
This afternoon we went to see a cultural dance competition which was very interesting, I was one of two white people there out of hundreds... which was great :) Good dancing and music... but as such we distracted TKZ from her work and I didn’t do my washing....
So tomorrow I get to do laundry and go to church again.. this time at Zion Christian Church which I am now a little scared of. My friends told me stories about being spit on and water flicked on you and charms being used in the service....my friend who goes to an Assemblies of God church says outright that it’s a cult... I’ll get to the A of G next weekend....after that there’s some tent church... not sure of the denomination of that .. and then the meeting of expats that meet at someone’s house, which is seeming a bit more promising, if the A of G doesn’t suit me... but we’ll see ! At least most people go to church here.. actually probably at least 90 % so I have plenty of people to go with.

Did I mention that this PeaceCorp person is also in social work...lol made me think of you Jess! Maybe you should still join...seems like something I could see you doing :) I went over for curry at her place and the best part was that she has books! and movies! so I borrowed some :)
I also attempted to bake some Amish White Bread... sounded really easy.. didn’t turn out so great..more like irish soda bread, but sweet...and a little thick like pizza dough??? It didn’t rise.. I think I may have put too much yeast in it ? I’m not sure... or maybe kneaded it too much. But it’s still good to eat...just not really with salty things lol. I guess I’m still far from domesticated.

Sunday June 5th

Well the good news is that this ‘long’ weekend actually flew by. I didn’t even get to do my compost...:( oh well it will give me something to do this week while my counterpart is on vacation. I back out of going to ZCC today...when I was told that I had to cover my head, wear long sleeves and a skirt and had to sit alone with the women... I just couldn’t do it, too creepy...guess the other guys really got to me and freaked me out.
Talk about freakin out, apparently there are people in this area who wait in the bush for a person and take their organs or eyes etc for religious charms and stuff.. creepy right...I don’t think I’ll be going out at night unless I have a guy or car to take me home.
I made a bunch of food and we has dinner at Moronga’s with Satau and Raymond and Moronga’s girlfriend. It was really nice, felt a little like family :) Hopefully I will go out hunting with them in the bush one day... that would be awesome.
The internet is unbearable at the moment.......think rush hour traffic when your a/c is broken and it’s 45 degrees and the car next to you is blasting the most annoying music in the world....no I actually don’t think that even comes close to the irritation I feel.
.....um. so any guesses as to what would be small enough to live in the ceiling of the office building without falling through the tiles?? .. yet large enough to make loud banging noises that sound like someone moving open or closing a drawer....?? It sounds like it’s going to fall through the roof....
I finished my book ‘20 Chickens for a Saddle’ which was great and has inspired the possibility of a road trip to see where they lived in Selebi-Phikwe in Botswana .I am now onto ‘Water for Elephants’ , and am about half way through and it’s pretty good, though it makes me wonder about getting old and I don’t really like that topic..It’s about a man who is in an old folks home and keeps flashing back to when his parents died and he left home to join a circus.I think I could work for a circus....wonder if they are still easy to get jobs at? I could work with the horses :)

You know I feel a lot more at ease here lately, I think largely because I keep forgetting that I’m here with the university, and especially that I will have to do research. As soon as I remember I suddenly get anxious until I push it out of my mind...Do you think that’s a bad thing? I am supposed to be excited about research right....?
The main thing is that I can’t really come up with anything good... I have a few ideas such as ....1) Looking into how the way government jobs are set up are contributing to the HIV/AIDS epidemic
Something to do with behavioural change and education etc .. how to make campaigns that actually change behaviour....for HIV/AIDS/teen pregnancy/alcoholism
The contribution of loss of identity and culture in creating social problems in the San (alcoholism, TB, AIDs)
The pattern of movement (‘forced’ relocation) of the San from their villages as others move in
Why do the recommendations made in HIV/AIDS and/or TB monitoring and evaluation reports never get put into action and policy?? -where is the action in the North???
Why does no one do anything? Lack of volunteerism, disillusioned, no hope....the biggest impediment to change...

That’s about it for now...any ideas or opinions on them would be great!

June 6th

I’m reading through a medical dictionary for my own amusement as the internet is non-existent. How on earth did businesses run back in the days before the internet? I mean how did you get answers, find funding, make connections? I guess they used phones and talked to people...such a different world. Even here in Botswana, without the internet I have nothing to do. Perhaps though that is because I really have NOTHING to do but occupy myself with doing research online.....Anyways as I peruse through the many ailments and terrible illustrations that I wish were actual photographs, I wondered, “Has anyone ever died of boredom?” I mean people have heart attacks from sitting in front of their computer or playing video games....why not of boredom. There must come a point when your body agrees with your mind and realizes that if life continues this way you may as well be dead and then you die....or jump off a building...either way your dead. I guess I could be the experiment as to whether this is true or not...so stay tuned!
On a more positive note my missing movies have returned and started to download again...although that may be a slight problem as I have about 4GB left on my hard drive ...eeek. Guess I’ll have to do some computer cleaning :)

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I am currently fantasizing about jumping off a high skyscraper in some beautiful city, like New York and floating nicely to the ground where I am rendered dead and off to another world....oh how I wish I wasn’t here...
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I am out to lunch. on another planet. kaput. catatonic. daydreaming. may as well be stoned. most productive thing i’m doing is giving myself skin cancer by sitting in the sun all day watching the grass grow.....bored.

Never again will I travel without my guitar. Nor without a lifetime supply of coffee and Heinz ketchup. The ketchup here just makes me sadder everytime I eat it. It’s like it’s going bad or something...which it possibly could be...but I don’t think that’s it. I make such great food...and then put ketchup on it and it’s destroyed.....even fries! They’re supposed to be married to ketchup.. how can you have one without the other....but this ketchup just tastes like I poured cinnamon on everything.

I think also tomorrow morning if my shower fails yet again I will make my own shower...I’ll just buy a large bucket and cut a hole in the side, put a tube or funnel in it and plug it with a cork and then fill it with hot water....then I can have a nice staggered shower...at least I can predict the amount of water I’ll have...

*(I did make my own shower. In a bucket and let me tell you it was amazing ! I had some flashbacks when I bent down to kill a bug of sitting in the kitchen sink for baths when I was an infant ..lol....but at least I got clean!)

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June 8th was omitted due to the anger and frustration ...it just was not becoming.

Anyways. Tomorrow the power will be off all day. I hope my mayonnaise does not go bad and give me food poisoning. I am helping to plan the meals and food budget for a group that's coming from Canada to go on the hiking trail :) Seems just like going camping....
The office is quite frustrating right now. I am appalled at the lack of trasnparency that I am finding out about....and with the apparent expectation that no one will do anything out of good will...BUT...
It's almost the weekend. I am going to go grocery shopping and splurge and buy ice cream ... and since my fridge it empty it will likely cost me at least 300P...which is about $45 CND...I guess that's not too bad....but after living with Yel and spending 10-20 every two weeks...I got spoilt I guess...

We'll I'm off to see the Wizard (i mean read about the Wizard ..:))