breakable

June 1st 2011
breakable.

~have you ever though about what protects our hearts, just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. So its fairly simple to cut right through the mess and to stop the muscle that makes us confess.....and we are so fragile and our cracking bones make noise and we are just breakable breakable breakable girls and boys.... Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable

Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. I swear it’s only been two days since the weekend....Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday and that makes tomorrow Thursday not Wednesday.
My craving for ice cream is causing me to do strange things... I’m mixing cinnamon and jam with sugar into yoghurt and then putting it in the freezer until it’s cold.
I miss luxury. I think I am getting soft. Today my shower picked to not work.. well actually after I screamed at it water did come out....but it was freezing cold. This is not the same as having a cold shower in the Caribbean... when at 4 or 5 in the afternoon you’d love to have a cold shower... and it’s not freeezing... just enough to cool you down. Considering I spent today in wool socks and wrapped in my fleece blanket, the last thing I wanted was a cold shower. And after the mini-battle I waged with the millions of ants that had made a path from my shower drain to the wall.... I was expecting a nice shower. Why shouldn’t I ? It worked three days ago.. it was lovely! Now I get about a half a second of lukewarm water, then water pressure is gone and hot water definitely gone.
How can it be this difficult to get hot water. There is a pipe... which brings water... and there’s lots of it ... I live next to the largest fricking delta in the world??? ... and there is a switch... one of the european things that electrifies something to heat the water... there’s no reason it shouldn’t work.. I mean don’t people want work around here...? I have a job for you ! Fix my shower please. ... oh wait I’m in Botswana so I don’t have to say please.. Fix my shower.
It’s a holiday tomorrow. On a Thursday, but the Friday isn’t lol. TOCaDI decided it would be.. so yay I have a four day weekend....with nothing to do. Looks like I’ll have lots of time to make a compost heap and burn some bush. I have a new plan to convince them to let me fence in a section of the compound so I can get some animals... it could be income generating .. right? I made some donkey friends today...well not really since every animal here is terrified of humans. You know that just puts me on edge. I don’t understand how people can logically treat animals that work for them poorly. Again.. isn’t it common sense to treat what helps you live with respect so that it will work with you. I can’t imagine it’s very profitable or efficient to have to spend hours looking in the bush for your animals. No. I like fences thank you very much....unless we’re talking about cattle .. then I don’t care. I suppose if I was raising a herd of horses and was going to sell them later unbroken... but still if they wander they may mate with who knows what... that kind of taints your breeding stock. So anyways if I can make a fenced field I can let it out to graze ( my donkey of course) and then if I go away I’ll fence it in with a water tub and hay and have someone come by to check on it and feed it every day. We can use the manure for compost and it can be like a TOCaDI mascot. If I don’t find something to satisfy my need to take care of something I will definitely be buying the next puppy I see being sold on the side of the road. ...I mean I could always put it in the back of the truck and it could stay in my tent while we camp. It would protect us from lions and stuff....
Turns out I’m getting a room-mate. At first I was happy and excited, but now I’m kind of uncertain....I wish it was a guy. I just really don’t get along with a lot of women.. I don’t know what it is. I guess I still have a trust issue... like I’m afraid of them or something. Plus I’m thinking the house is a little small now for two people.... There’s no sitting area really... and no counter space for cooking... and with only one pot and frying pan I think we’ll have to cook together. Also I have a feeling I’m going to be showed up... I kind of want to leave right now, without telling anyone, just hitch-hike and go...flee and end up somewhere I love. Maybe get a job on a horse safari place.. and not tell anyone where I went...well the official people anyway. I wonder if they would send out a search party? It’s not like they can scour the entire world. .. IT would definitely be fulfilling my desire to do something no IDS student has ever done before...gone AWOL. hmmm...o..she’s going to upstage me because she’s already been here for two months and apparently speaks Setswana.... oh and did I mention that she has an interest in health... sooo she’s likely going to be doing the needs based assessment I said that we should do !
It was my one idea of something I could work on....now what will I do? The amount of work is ridiculously low... I was expecting to have the most work I’ve ever had in my life... such as Elonnai had said about her placement... nope. This is the most nothing I have ever done in my life... and that’s including vacations....and likely illness. Seriously. I am not being an exaggerating Canadian. I have consistently spent every single day here being ‘productive’ by going on facebook, updating my blog, checking my email, and doing google searches, while doodling dream farms, compost bins and gardens...and numerous pets I’d like to have.... It very possibly could be a blessing that the internet is so slow... otherwise I would be finished this time consuming activity and just be left with staring at the walls....or sitting outside waiting for a donkey to come near me.
Freaky thing about waiting ...especially outside of windows at night....I went outside to dump my compost in the bin...for which I have no lid and hope no snakes go in it...and guess who was outside, in the dark on his phone. My coordinator...? Odd... so I say hi....and turns out he left his keys in the office, so I gave him mine....whatever...no problem. Then I realize I have no curtains and you can see right into my house... why didn’t he knock or say anything ? Creepy. Creeper. I think I’m on a constant downward slope....kinda like a 50 degree slope, no bumps...or inclines upwards... just down, totally contradicting the proposed ‘phases’ I’m supposed to go through.
Btw they’re going to kill the hippo.

I drinking some herbal tea stuff I bought at the market.. kind of tastes minty but a little like buckleys.... it’s working wonders for my allergies :) Wonder what it is.

Horses. Lying on grass. Guitar. Youtube. Hugs. Soft animal fur. I miss you.

~I don’t belong here.... Gotta someway fumble right through this new heartache, sort me apart, oh lovesick mistake...Erin McCarely - Lovesick Mistake

26% left in battery. 8:14pm. No internet.....off to bed.