Monday, 28 November 2011
the left-overs...are coming home.
This is the last of my blog.. besides the next and final entry... which I will write as I travel home. My contract has been terminated by the partner due to many illogical reasons.. and thus the university wants me to come home immediately. I will find out in about 3 hours why this is... and whether i can convince them to at least let me stay and take my later flight... which I'm sure they won't.
Whatever the reasons for this I have learned that sometimes people just hate you.. and there's nothing you can do. Sometimes you just don't have control over the situation. life throws you lemons, make lemonade. So i'm leaving Botswana... not really any detriment to me, besides emotional... and I now have so many friends here that if i wanted to return really I could... and maybe I will. But first I've realized that without God I am just floating... no I'm drowning. I need to float along with him in his spirit and find out who I really am, where I'm going and what he has in store for me.
i think that saying 'the world is my oyster' applies to me. there are so many things that i kind of would like to do.. nothing i desperately want to do. i think i may have rushed through life.. thinking i would die early and now i'm at that point where i just want to be enjoying the environment..animals and family.
i'm coming home. home to my Father in heaven. if home is where the heart is that is where my heart and my home should be. my roots should be in him.
why does this seem so simple for so many people? i keep waiting for what God is preparing me for.. he must be preparing me for something right? or am i just so hardheaded that i don't learn the simple things he's trying to teach me... that is much more likely i would think. lol.
i have taken many good things out of this trip. I've realized that i want to know God in the way i used to, to follow His heart, because my plans fall apart... and that i want love, i want to give love to someone who wants it.. i think that although it causes grief and pain it's the most beautiful things. i know that nature is what i love to be surrounded by.. i had convinced myself i could love the city.. but it's all a facade. i don't... it's just exciting and distracting. here i'm able to think... to begin to dream again.. i even wanted to paint!
i learned again that God is always faithful. and... i learned that i do need to grow up. i'm running from something.. myself maybe? i don't know.. but i do know that i'm not thinking logically... and i need to focus and follow after something.
so i'm coming home.
Nov 15th
I’m avoiding life right now... then colliding with it. Today I let life take me where it wanted but I was still productive, especially considering that I didn’t sleep last night. Yet again my brain thinks too much.. about nothing ... and solves nothing. I ended up doing my washing since we had water yea! and then got my tire fixed again since it was flat... had a nice conversation with Raja and found out his number so that I can get Indian food...or pizza! lol and then headed to Samochima. My car just kind of took me there ...
. it’s funny. it’s funny that I can have an eloquant soliloquy in my mind and when i go to put it to pen and paper it turns to gibberish. or an irate rant demanding respect and attention but if i try to type it the wind just blows it out of my mind...gone.
Just now I got my laptop out to write out ...something.. a rant, explanation.... something.. i can’t even remember about what.. and that was about 5 min ago. Now all that’s in my mind is an Ingrid Michaelson song playing a few lines over and over again... and the emotion of exhaustion... and how I wish I had a really good friend to talk to right now. i feel like sigur ros would be a really good friend to talk to.
I hate CIDA right now. As my facebook status so plainly put. Yes I do. Personally, all emotion removed (if such an act is possible), I feel that this ‘new’ policy they have infringes on my basic constitutional rights... doesn’t it? Did I ever sign in my contract that I would agree to returning whenever they’d like, even if I chose NOT to take their free flight? Can they actually force you to take the flight they paid for ??? That seems a little ethically wrong.... maybe I should do my thesis on that! The ethics of development - are organizations dictators? What are the ethical principals underlying what we call a development organization???? Should these entities even be calling the shots? Are they any better than NIKE or WalMart ? What makes them better than corporate organizations... don’t they too have a bottom line??? (ie. case in point we leave a woman on the side of the road...”it’s not in our mandate”) Helping people doesn’t have rules!!!! It’s messy.. .and love is unpredictable~
Love is the only thing that can drive out fear. and perfect love at that... God’s love. Unless we’re filled with that unpredictable Holy Spirit craziness we’ll never be able to achieve ‘development’. All we’ll accomplish is floundering around, rearranging and controlling people into the method we think is best at the time... oppressing some for now, others later.. as someone is always oppressed... who is it today?
i guess i have noting much else to say. i finally heard from the university... my research advisor and the coop supervisor in the span of one hour...! Wow .. parents seriously know how to light some people’s pants on fire. anyways one conversation was fairly encouraging, even a little hopeful and inspiring. the other yet another lecture... which really i don’t respond to at all... in fact i think it’s a little like spraying me with doom....i shrivel. So that was that. Watched some nice lightning. ...actually i went to the bar but it was closed... at 9:30 lol... sad right. guess no one was there.. that should be a good thing.. but it’s not it just means everyone who’s poor.. and has reason to drink is down at the shabeen.. drinking disgusting homemade beer. ew. so i sat on the chairs for a while and watched the lightning for a bit...
. listening to classical music makes me think of Calla .. :( i miss you!!! maybe i will take up cello..no violin when i get back to canada... if i don’t die of gloom beforehand.
this is what i think of when i let myself believe I’ll be home in january. ... “great. i have to have a birthday at home. i have no money. no clothes. sigh i don’t want to go shopping. THE MALL. shudder. *tear. the mall...... cars. lights. people. screaming. order. lines. cars. money. lights.blinking lights. open signs. music. house. houses. houses. houses.....will you read these as good? or bad? reading in my room... until 4 am. not sleeping. food banks. walking to the grocery stores. cold cold cold. snow. wind. cold. no friends. alone. basement dungeon. stress. plans. goals. ambition. get a job. pay rent. build debt. buy things. buy more things. have no friends. stretch my mind. turn off my mind. watch tv. watch more tv. movies.slush. READJUSTMENT. no one understands. leaving. leaving it all behind again. nothing gained. WHY am i so pessimistic ! why is it so easy to see all the bad things and have to dig for the good.??
but maybe these aren’t things just in canada.. maybe it’s just life and here i happen to be able to escape them. i have a job where things are taken care of.. i live close to the store.. so maybe it all just seems bad because i’m going to have to readjust again. erg. i don’t know if i’d rather not go back.. or go back to leave again.. or go back and stay for at least two years.. in one place.. can i even do that? Man i need a psychologist. or some better alcohol.
tomorrow i’ll be positive. no i’ll try to be.
November 17th
It’s raining lightly and I’m sitting by the river at Drotsky’s working on my research proposal and permission letters. It feels kind of like home. I’m warm in a sweater of Ali’s and sipping my tea. I don’t think I could be any happier right now really. Yet it’s laced with the bittersweet understanding that this is almost gone. Ten days till the guys and Ali leave. Then we’re off for Christmas, down to S.A. and then off to Canada. I don’t know if I love it here. I don’t think I do. It’s not like Haiti.... but at the same time I’m content. I can take care of myself here.. I’m managing and I don’t feel like I’m struggling to keep my head above water. I don’t know if it’s the birth control I’m on or if I really am this emotional right now but lately every so often I just cry. A little tear.. some just standing in my eyes...I was on the phone the other day with Monica (the new co-op supervisor) and she said everything will be fine... well that just set me off, I couldn’t speak lest I cry.
Strange days.
Nov 18th
I saw the most morbid and beautiful thing in the shower today. There was a spider that kind of looked like a daddy long legs, but nicer and it was spining some poor bug between it’s delicate little legs to cocoon it .. i’m guess for food later. It was so cool! I’ve never actually seen that with my own eyes. There’s so much life happening here right in front of you, I wonder if it’s like that at home but we just don’t notice or appreciate it. I was baking today and I guess I touched the fridge without washing my hands, well i went to sweep a bit later and glanced at the fridge when i walked past it and it was covered with flying ants ! What ? Where did they come from ? I guess a little rain makes everything come alive. :)
November 25th
Well Movember is nearly passed.. as is my stay at TOCaDI. My contract was terminated early by the coordinator and I have until Nov 30th to move. At first this was quite a shock but I think I very quickly realized what a blessing this is. I am very likely able to stay and finish my WUSC contract and my research which hopefully means I won’t have to cancel my S.A vacation :) I must say though that I will miss this house, the fact that I can sit out my front door and watch birds try to peck at their reflection in the side mirrors of my car... or maybe fly through it... lol. But I think that’s Botswana .. well the Delta for the most part so I’m sure wherever I go now it’ll be the same. This really is a wild place, I wish I could go in to the Delta and experience all those stories I keep hearing. Hide from elephants and dodge wildebeest, swim with crocs and see the most amazing sunsets.
We celebrated American thanksgiving yesterday, my first, and it was great! I love that you can travel across the world and eat a meal with a bunch of people you’ve known for a few months and they’re like family, that is a beautiful thing.
My research has taken quite the shift, from TB incentives to looking into San resettlement issues. We’ll see lol... but I KNOW that I am not a researcher... investigative journalist maybe.. documentary photographer likely....not researcher. You know I think that you should never doubt what you know about yourself. Why on earth do I trust other people about myself more than me !? I am me lol.
Today I will hear from the University, from Roger, the VP of student affairs... which is a little worrying to say the least.... Uniterra and WUSC have seemed so supportive about me staying I hope that my bubble of hope isn’t popped. Today I will enjoy today to the fullest, thankfully it’s a beautiful blue sky day, which is lovely after all of the rain we’ve been having. I will visit Drotsky’s talk with friends and celebrate a wonderful day and adventure into Bots.. then we’ll see what happens. Either way things will work out.
p.s. i think Alistair is right and i should stick to photos... ;)
Whatever the reasons for this I have learned that sometimes people just hate you.. and there's nothing you can do. Sometimes you just don't have control over the situation. life throws you lemons, make lemonade. So i'm leaving Botswana... not really any detriment to me, besides emotional... and I now have so many friends here that if i wanted to return really I could... and maybe I will. But first I've realized that without God I am just floating... no I'm drowning. I need to float along with him in his spirit and find out who I really am, where I'm going and what he has in store for me.
i think that saying 'the world is my oyster' applies to me. there are so many things that i kind of would like to do.. nothing i desperately want to do. i think i may have rushed through life.. thinking i would die early and now i'm at that point where i just want to be enjoying the environment..animals and family.
i'm coming home. home to my Father in heaven. if home is where the heart is that is where my heart and my home should be. my roots should be in him.
why does this seem so simple for so many people? i keep waiting for what God is preparing me for.. he must be preparing me for something right? or am i just so hardheaded that i don't learn the simple things he's trying to teach me... that is much more likely i would think. lol.
i have taken many good things out of this trip. I've realized that i want to know God in the way i used to, to follow His heart, because my plans fall apart... and that i want love, i want to give love to someone who wants it.. i think that although it causes grief and pain it's the most beautiful things. i know that nature is what i love to be surrounded by.. i had convinced myself i could love the city.. but it's all a facade. i don't... it's just exciting and distracting. here i'm able to think... to begin to dream again.. i even wanted to paint!
i learned again that God is always faithful. and... i learned that i do need to grow up. i'm running from something.. myself maybe? i don't know.. but i do know that i'm not thinking logically... and i need to focus and follow after something.
so i'm coming home.
Nov 15th
I’m avoiding life right now... then colliding with it. Today I let life take me where it wanted but I was still productive, especially considering that I didn’t sleep last night. Yet again my brain thinks too much.. about nothing ... and solves nothing. I ended up doing my washing since we had water yea! and then got my tire fixed again since it was flat... had a nice conversation with Raja and found out his number so that I can get Indian food...or pizza! lol and then headed to Samochima. My car just kind of took me there ...
. it’s funny. it’s funny that I can have an eloquant soliloquy in my mind and when i go to put it to pen and paper it turns to gibberish. or an irate rant demanding respect and attention but if i try to type it the wind just blows it out of my mind...gone.
Just now I got my laptop out to write out ...something.. a rant, explanation.... something.. i can’t even remember about what.. and that was about 5 min ago. Now all that’s in my mind is an Ingrid Michaelson song playing a few lines over and over again... and the emotion of exhaustion... and how I wish I had a really good friend to talk to right now. i feel like sigur ros would be a really good friend to talk to.
I hate CIDA right now. As my facebook status so plainly put. Yes I do. Personally, all emotion removed (if such an act is possible), I feel that this ‘new’ policy they have infringes on my basic constitutional rights... doesn’t it? Did I ever sign in my contract that I would agree to returning whenever they’d like, even if I chose NOT to take their free flight? Can they actually force you to take the flight they paid for ??? That seems a little ethically wrong.... maybe I should do my thesis on that! The ethics of development - are organizations dictators? What are the ethical principals underlying what we call a development organization???? Should these entities even be calling the shots? Are they any better than NIKE or WalMart ? What makes them better than corporate organizations... don’t they too have a bottom line??? (ie. case in point we leave a woman on the side of the road...”it’s not in our mandate”) Helping people doesn’t have rules!!!! It’s messy.. .and love is unpredictable~
Love is the only thing that can drive out fear. and perfect love at that... God’s love. Unless we’re filled with that unpredictable Holy Spirit craziness we’ll never be able to achieve ‘development’. All we’ll accomplish is floundering around, rearranging and controlling people into the method we think is best at the time... oppressing some for now, others later.. as someone is always oppressed... who is it today?
i guess i have noting much else to say. i finally heard from the university... my research advisor and the coop supervisor in the span of one hour...! Wow .. parents seriously know how to light some people’s pants on fire. anyways one conversation was fairly encouraging, even a little hopeful and inspiring. the other yet another lecture... which really i don’t respond to at all... in fact i think it’s a little like spraying me with doom....i shrivel. So that was that. Watched some nice lightning. ...actually i went to the bar but it was closed... at 9:30 lol... sad right. guess no one was there.. that should be a good thing.. but it’s not it just means everyone who’s poor.. and has reason to drink is down at the shabeen.. drinking disgusting homemade beer. ew. so i sat on the chairs for a while and watched the lightning for a bit...
. listening to classical music makes me think of Calla .. :( i miss you!!! maybe i will take up cello..no violin when i get back to canada... if i don’t die of gloom beforehand.
this is what i think of when i let myself believe I’ll be home in january. ... “great. i have to have a birthday at home. i have no money. no clothes. sigh i don’t want to go shopping. THE MALL. shudder. *tear. the mall...... cars. lights. people. screaming. order. lines. cars. money. lights.blinking lights. open signs. music. house. houses. houses. houses.....will you read these as good? or bad? reading in my room... until 4 am. not sleeping. food banks. walking to the grocery stores. cold cold cold. snow. wind. cold. no friends. alone. basement dungeon. stress. plans. goals. ambition. get a job. pay rent. build debt. buy things. buy more things. have no friends. stretch my mind. turn off my mind. watch tv. watch more tv. movies.slush. READJUSTMENT. no one understands. leaving. leaving it all behind again. nothing gained. WHY am i so pessimistic ! why is it so easy to see all the bad things and have to dig for the good.??
but maybe these aren’t things just in canada.. maybe it’s just life and here i happen to be able to escape them. i have a job where things are taken care of.. i live close to the store.. so maybe it all just seems bad because i’m going to have to readjust again. erg. i don’t know if i’d rather not go back.. or go back to leave again.. or go back and stay for at least two years.. in one place.. can i even do that? Man i need a psychologist. or some better alcohol.
tomorrow i’ll be positive. no i’ll try to be.
November 17th
It’s raining lightly and I’m sitting by the river at Drotsky’s working on my research proposal and permission letters. It feels kind of like home. I’m warm in a sweater of Ali’s and sipping my tea. I don’t think I could be any happier right now really. Yet it’s laced with the bittersweet understanding that this is almost gone. Ten days till the guys and Ali leave. Then we’re off for Christmas, down to S.A. and then off to Canada. I don’t know if I love it here. I don’t think I do. It’s not like Haiti.... but at the same time I’m content. I can take care of myself here.. I’m managing and I don’t feel like I’m struggling to keep my head above water. I don’t know if it’s the birth control I’m on or if I really am this emotional right now but lately every so often I just cry. A little tear.. some just standing in my eyes...I was on the phone the other day with Monica (the new co-op supervisor) and she said everything will be fine... well that just set me off, I couldn’t speak lest I cry.
Strange days.
Nov 18th
I saw the most morbid and beautiful thing in the shower today. There was a spider that kind of looked like a daddy long legs, but nicer and it was spining some poor bug between it’s delicate little legs to cocoon it .. i’m guess for food later. It was so cool! I’ve never actually seen that with my own eyes. There’s so much life happening here right in front of you, I wonder if it’s like that at home but we just don’t notice or appreciate it. I was baking today and I guess I touched the fridge without washing my hands, well i went to sweep a bit later and glanced at the fridge when i walked past it and it was covered with flying ants ! What ? Where did they come from ? I guess a little rain makes everything come alive. :)
November 25th
Well Movember is nearly passed.. as is my stay at TOCaDI. My contract was terminated early by the coordinator and I have until Nov 30th to move. At first this was quite a shock but I think I very quickly realized what a blessing this is. I am very likely able to stay and finish my WUSC contract and my research which hopefully means I won’t have to cancel my S.A vacation :) I must say though that I will miss this house, the fact that I can sit out my front door and watch birds try to peck at their reflection in the side mirrors of my car... or maybe fly through it... lol. But I think that’s Botswana .. well the Delta for the most part so I’m sure wherever I go now it’ll be the same. This really is a wild place, I wish I could go in to the Delta and experience all those stories I keep hearing. Hide from elephants and dodge wildebeest, swim with crocs and see the most amazing sunsets.
We celebrated American thanksgiving yesterday, my first, and it was great! I love that you can travel across the world and eat a meal with a bunch of people you’ve known for a few months and they’re like family, that is a beautiful thing.
My research has taken quite the shift, from TB incentives to looking into San resettlement issues. We’ll see lol... but I KNOW that I am not a researcher... investigative journalist maybe.. documentary photographer likely....not researcher. You know I think that you should never doubt what you know about yourself. Why on earth do I trust other people about myself more than me !? I am me lol.
Today I will hear from the University, from Roger, the VP of student affairs... which is a little worrying to say the least.... Uniterra and WUSC have seemed so supportive about me staying I hope that my bubble of hope isn’t popped. Today I will enjoy today to the fullest, thankfully it’s a beautiful blue sky day, which is lovely after all of the rain we’ve been having. I will visit Drotsky’s talk with friends and celebrate a wonderful day and adventure into Bots.. then we’ll see what happens. Either way things will work out.
p.s. i think Alistair is right and i should stick to photos... ;)
Friday, 4 November 2011
reseaaaaarch....
Yeah. I’m working on my ‘research’
So the extent of my research carried out so far... is some thoughts, a proposal that I’m no longer using and one that’s half finished....The fake proposal was much easier to do ....I am currently working on my new proposal... and by that I mean listening to music and drinking some beer while sitting out in the sun... and reading a book about small-scale research... kind-of. BUT at least I’m not at the pool and hanging out with boys... which is usually what I do.Now it’s time to get to actual work considering I have one month left and it seems that it may be a bit of a war to be able to stay longer to actually do research that is of any significance....I’m pretty sure there are wasps making a nest in my sink... not that it matters since I have no water to wash anything with lol...
I wonder how everyone else is managing on their placements...
So the question burning in my mind these days is who am i? well maybe not who.. but what do i want? A friend told me nonchalantly the other day that next year when I’m done my undergrad I should take the time to just do something I want to do, just for me. I laughed and said yea I should.. but then I really started to think about it... Haven’t I always been doing things for me.... or things i felt I should be doing? I don’t even know! lol.. how messed up is that.. maybe I am schizophrenic.. I mean how does someone not know what they want... or what their goals are? Maybe I used up all my passion while I was young.. do we get that in limited quantities? I think the world may be too big for me... and have too much to offer maybe? If I took a year and didn’t follow the practical path.. what would I do? I honestly have no answer anymore... and then I realize I actually have millions of answers I just don’t know which one is the right one.
Good news..! I have a friend who worked a miracle and fixed my computer power cord.. which is great b/c it’s a horrible task to try to get one over here!
ok back to actual work...
ahhhhh i have no motivation!!
So the extent of my research carried out so far... is some thoughts, a proposal that I’m no longer using and one that’s half finished....The fake proposal was much easier to do ....I am currently working on my new proposal... and by that I mean listening to music and drinking some beer while sitting out in the sun... and reading a book about small-scale research... kind-of. BUT at least I’m not at the pool and hanging out with boys... which is usually what I do.Now it’s time to get to actual work considering I have one month left and it seems that it may be a bit of a war to be able to stay longer to actually do research that is of any significance....I’m pretty sure there are wasps making a nest in my sink... not that it matters since I have no water to wash anything with lol...
I wonder how everyone else is managing on their placements...
So the question burning in my mind these days is who am i? well maybe not who.. but what do i want? A friend told me nonchalantly the other day that next year when I’m done my undergrad I should take the time to just do something I want to do, just for me. I laughed and said yea I should.. but then I really started to think about it... Haven’t I always been doing things for me.... or things i felt I should be doing? I don’t even know! lol.. how messed up is that.. maybe I am schizophrenic.. I mean how does someone not know what they want... or what their goals are? Maybe I used up all my passion while I was young.. do we get that in limited quantities? I think the world may be too big for me... and have too much to offer maybe? If I took a year and didn’t follow the practical path.. what would I do? I honestly have no answer anymore... and then I realize I actually have millions of answers I just don’t know which one is the right one.
Good news..! I have a friend who worked a miracle and fixed my computer power cord.. which is great b/c it’s a horrible task to try to get one over here!
ok back to actual work...
ahhhhh i have no motivation!!
Sunday, 9 October 2011
I'm tripping on my boredom
I’m tripping on my boredom
even here is Africa boredom follows you.. yes it took about 5 months to catch up with me but now it’s surrounding my feet and entangling me. Maybe this isn’t boredom actually ...it’s perhaps being chased by things that you have to do, or at least think you have to do and finally having to do them! Here I am in Botswana plagued by the same things that irritate me in Canada, air conditioning on a beautiful warm day, having to sit in front of my computer all day long, and taking my stress out by baking... which doesn’t really alleviate any stress it just adds more cleaning, which at least keeps me occupied lol.
Research is begun.
I don’t understand why we do things we don’t enjoy.. and say we have to do them. It’s puzzling really b/c all it does is cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Why don’t we all just follow our dreams and do things we enjoy?
So maybe I’m in Namibia withdrawl. Let me tell you a bit about Namibia. We drove to Windhoek first stop which was insane. It’s like a real city, stoplights, restaurants and best of all customer service! Then we headed to Swakopmund which is right on the coast and in a desert. It’s cold there and I definitely wasn’t expecting that, I guess the ocean breeze cools things off even though it’s a desert. We went out for sushi at a restaurant on a long jetty, sat on the beach and drank wine, climbed a giant sand dune at sunset and i went fishing for snook in the ocean and caught five. Now i’m sitting on the patio floor by my office listening to cows moo and watching ants scurry by... since I can’t find the key to the office. Morgan went to an overnight flight at some sweet lodge in the Delta, Dinah’s napping, church is cancelled and Alastair’s far away... sigh I’m bored. But mostly in Namibia withdrawl.
If you can go do it. It’s great.
Lily apparently likes to eat ants... she’s downed about 20 of them since I started writing this. lol. At least she does something useful... doesn’t seem to help in the house though when it’s swarming with ants....
I can’t wait for the rainy season to start so that I can watch cool lightning shows.... why does no one like to go swimming here? It’s annoying b/c there’s a pool and we can use it .. but no one wants to go with me.. if I go alone i just look as if I’m going after the guy who live there... and maybe I am but I don’t want to seem desperate...
have you ever had a very beautful but scary spider on your laptop while you’re typing ... i do right now.
and i think that’s the end of my entry . i know it hasn’t made much sense but then again i’m not feeling very sensible today... lol. miss you all!
even here is Africa boredom follows you.. yes it took about 5 months to catch up with me but now it’s surrounding my feet and entangling me. Maybe this isn’t boredom actually ...it’s perhaps being chased by things that you have to do, or at least think you have to do and finally having to do them! Here I am in Botswana plagued by the same things that irritate me in Canada, air conditioning on a beautiful warm day, having to sit in front of my computer all day long, and taking my stress out by baking... which doesn’t really alleviate any stress it just adds more cleaning, which at least keeps me occupied lol.
Research is begun.
I don’t understand why we do things we don’t enjoy.. and say we have to do them. It’s puzzling really b/c all it does is cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Why don’t we all just follow our dreams and do things we enjoy?
So maybe I’m in Namibia withdrawl. Let me tell you a bit about Namibia. We drove to Windhoek first stop which was insane. It’s like a real city, stoplights, restaurants and best of all customer service! Then we headed to Swakopmund which is right on the coast and in a desert. It’s cold there and I definitely wasn’t expecting that, I guess the ocean breeze cools things off even though it’s a desert. We went out for sushi at a restaurant on a long jetty, sat on the beach and drank wine, climbed a giant sand dune at sunset and i went fishing for snook in the ocean and caught five. Now i’m sitting on the patio floor by my office listening to cows moo and watching ants scurry by... since I can’t find the key to the office. Morgan went to an overnight flight at some sweet lodge in the Delta, Dinah’s napping, church is cancelled and Alastair’s far away... sigh I’m bored. But mostly in Namibia withdrawl.
If you can go do it. It’s great.
Lily apparently likes to eat ants... she’s downed about 20 of them since I started writing this. lol. At least she does something useful... doesn’t seem to help in the house though when it’s swarming with ants....
I can’t wait for the rainy season to start so that I can watch cool lightning shows.... why does no one like to go swimming here? It’s annoying b/c there’s a pool and we can use it .. but no one wants to go with me.. if I go alone i just look as if I’m going after the guy who live there... and maybe I am but I don’t want to seem desperate...
have you ever had a very beautful but scary spider on your laptop while you’re typing ... i do right now.
and i think that’s the end of my entry . i know it hasn’t made much sense but then again i’m not feeling very sensible today... lol. miss you all!
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Wow I finally have internet... but now the gas is gone...
Sept 18th
Hey it’s been a while. Guess I actually got busy for a while. Things are starting to compress... time that is and suddenly I realize that I actually have a lot to do if I consider the fact that I’m supposed to be doing research. Trying to get a proposal done that’s half decent, while fishing and hanging out plus doing ‘work’ is actually quite a lot. Not to mention that daily chores take up about a quarter of your time here.. actually make that half.
Right now for instance it’s Sunday evening and I actually have a few hours with nothing to do. So instead of working on my proposal I decide to sweep and mop the floors, wash the dishes and tidy up my room, finally unpacking those packages I received from back home.
The benefits, I now have a nice clean house, with water jugs filled and no ants :) Also my wall looks pretty with the pictures and drawings I got in my packages finally up. Cons, I am yet another day behind...which makes it about 2 and a half months late now... I wonder if that’s a record?
Things have been going well lately. The puppies are growing up so fast and are finally reaching the stage where I can leave them at home alone for quite a few hours and they won’t eat anything or poop anywhere. We took them up to Tsodilo Hills yesterday, which is a world heritage site that has ancient rock paintings from about 3000 years ago or something. It’s pretty cool, especially the paintings of the penguins and whales, which must have been from San people who traveled to South Africa or Namibia.
pause... a giant beetle just got in my house and it can fly....
Work has been fairly productive and things with my counterpart are bearable. We’ve got some really good activities coming up and we’ve been visiting the settlements a lot more... hence why I am never online or have a cell network :( But it’s good because the CTBCs are making progress and it actually feels like we’re starting to do health education... or at least the monitoring of it.
I found out one of my friends has TB which definitely makes the problem or epidemic much more real. I saw her on a friday and she was ‘sick’ but looked fairly well. We all thought that she had malaria but she wasn’t getting better so she went to a clinic in Maun. I found out the Monday that she wasn’t well at all and that I should go and visit her. No one mentioned what was wrong, just that I should go visit. That immediately made me think it was TB or HIV. When I visited she looked terrible, like someone you would imagine was starving. She was lying on a mattress on the floor and could barely even lift her head she was so weak. This was only after two days on TB medication which was causing side effects such as vomiting and diarrhea. An already thin woman she must have lost another 20 lbs in a few days.
I think that coming from the West we have this perception of TB being like something a little bit worse than a cold virus. Maybe even better because we can treat it. Seeing how it eats away at people though changes the entire persona of the disease. MDR-TB is even worse (multi-drug resistant). If you get this and give it to one of your family members or friends they have a much higher chance of developing XDR-TB for which there is usually very little you can do. As the patient dies they cannot even be with family members since it’s so contagious and are usually isolated on their own.
We have 4 MDR-TB patients in Qangwa, which is one of the San settlements we work in. Patients get MDR -TB either from another person with MDR, which would be considered primary MDR or from poor treatment adherence and/or treatment dosage. In Qangwa a lot of our patients give reasons of poverty for not adhering. They often go into the bush to look for groundnuts, fruit and wild game to supplement what little food (usually sorghum or maize) they have, which is often even just a portion of someone’s government food ration.
The government gives food rations to TB patients who are eligible in order to help them put weight back on and so that their treatment is more effective. TB treatment won’t work as well on a person who is malnourished. The problem is that the rations are only for that patient, and by the time they finish feeding half the village, as is required, there isn’t really enough to help.
The project we’re starting and I’m hoping to research is possibly going to try and address this through giving patients an incentive to finish the program. I’m not really sure why someone would need an incentive besides life itself, but apparently similar programs have been successful in other places. The idea is that if the patient completes treatment (6-8 months) without missing treatment they are qualified to receive a live goat which hopefully they will raise and breed to gain income and prevent malnourishment in the villages.
September 27th
Let me just say that I am so tired. I'm not trying to complain but seriously can't one day go by without something going terribly wrong or just inconveniently. Last night I pulled 15 Putzi fly larvae out of my puppies. Ew. And I thought ticks were bad. Lets just say I cannot wait to get back to Canada. Apparently these fly larvae like to lay their eggs on peoples clothes as well.. and burrow into humans.. *shudder.
I'm about 50% done my research proposal. Painful.
Tomorrow is my sisters 21st ! Happy B-Day Jessi !! Hope it's grand.. I just saw pics of her best friend's new son and omgsh i actually cried a little. So precious! Wish I could be there. anyways off to Namibia soon which is much needed.. though I don't think I can afford to go financially nor time wise...
hope it's fun.. and that i get to go riding.
... maybe I'll travel around the world getting married to the same man in every country .. wouldn't that be cool? lol
i know random.. but i don't really feel like explaining. :)
talk soon!
Hey it’s been a while. Guess I actually got busy for a while. Things are starting to compress... time that is and suddenly I realize that I actually have a lot to do if I consider the fact that I’m supposed to be doing research. Trying to get a proposal done that’s half decent, while fishing and hanging out plus doing ‘work’ is actually quite a lot. Not to mention that daily chores take up about a quarter of your time here.. actually make that half.
Right now for instance it’s Sunday evening and I actually have a few hours with nothing to do. So instead of working on my proposal I decide to sweep and mop the floors, wash the dishes and tidy up my room, finally unpacking those packages I received from back home.
The benefits, I now have a nice clean house, with water jugs filled and no ants :) Also my wall looks pretty with the pictures and drawings I got in my packages finally up. Cons, I am yet another day behind...which makes it about 2 and a half months late now... I wonder if that’s a record?
Things have been going well lately. The puppies are growing up so fast and are finally reaching the stage where I can leave them at home alone for quite a few hours and they won’t eat anything or poop anywhere. We took them up to Tsodilo Hills yesterday, which is a world heritage site that has ancient rock paintings from about 3000 years ago or something. It’s pretty cool, especially the paintings of the penguins and whales, which must have been from San people who traveled to South Africa or Namibia.
pause... a giant beetle just got in my house and it can fly....
Work has been fairly productive and things with my counterpart are bearable. We’ve got some really good activities coming up and we’ve been visiting the settlements a lot more... hence why I am never online or have a cell network :( But it’s good because the CTBCs are making progress and it actually feels like we’re starting to do health education... or at least the monitoring of it.
I found out one of my friends has TB which definitely makes the problem or epidemic much more real. I saw her on a friday and she was ‘sick’ but looked fairly well. We all thought that she had malaria but she wasn’t getting better so she went to a clinic in Maun. I found out the Monday that she wasn’t well at all and that I should go and visit her. No one mentioned what was wrong, just that I should go visit. That immediately made me think it was TB or HIV. When I visited she looked terrible, like someone you would imagine was starving. She was lying on a mattress on the floor and could barely even lift her head she was so weak. This was only after two days on TB medication which was causing side effects such as vomiting and diarrhea. An already thin woman she must have lost another 20 lbs in a few days.
I think that coming from the West we have this perception of TB being like something a little bit worse than a cold virus. Maybe even better because we can treat it. Seeing how it eats away at people though changes the entire persona of the disease. MDR-TB is even worse (multi-drug resistant). If you get this and give it to one of your family members or friends they have a much higher chance of developing XDR-TB for which there is usually very little you can do. As the patient dies they cannot even be with family members since it’s so contagious and are usually isolated on their own.
We have 4 MDR-TB patients in Qangwa, which is one of the San settlements we work in. Patients get MDR -TB either from another person with MDR, which would be considered primary MDR or from poor treatment adherence and/or treatment dosage. In Qangwa a lot of our patients give reasons of poverty for not adhering. They often go into the bush to look for groundnuts, fruit and wild game to supplement what little food (usually sorghum or maize) they have, which is often even just a portion of someone’s government food ration.
The government gives food rations to TB patients who are eligible in order to help them put weight back on and so that their treatment is more effective. TB treatment won’t work as well on a person who is malnourished. The problem is that the rations are only for that patient, and by the time they finish feeding half the village, as is required, there isn’t really enough to help.
The project we’re starting and I’m hoping to research is possibly going to try and address this through giving patients an incentive to finish the program. I’m not really sure why someone would need an incentive besides life itself, but apparently similar programs have been successful in other places. The idea is that if the patient completes treatment (6-8 months) without missing treatment they are qualified to receive a live goat which hopefully they will raise and breed to gain income and prevent malnourishment in the villages.
September 27th
Let me just say that I am so tired. I'm not trying to complain but seriously can't one day go by without something going terribly wrong or just inconveniently. Last night I pulled 15 Putzi fly larvae out of my puppies. Ew. And I thought ticks were bad. Lets just say I cannot wait to get back to Canada. Apparently these fly larvae like to lay their eggs on peoples clothes as well.. and burrow into humans.. *shudder.
I'm about 50% done my research proposal. Painful.
Tomorrow is my sisters 21st ! Happy B-Day Jessi !! Hope it's grand.. I just saw pics of her best friend's new son and omgsh i actually cried a little. So precious! Wish I could be there. anyways off to Namibia soon which is much needed.. though I don't think I can afford to go financially nor time wise...
hope it's fun.. and that i get to go riding.
... maybe I'll travel around the world getting married to the same man in every country .. wouldn't that be cool? lol
i know random.. but i don't really feel like explaining. :)
talk soon!
Friday, 2 September 2011
August....
August 16th Of love and things and eskimo rings...
I know I’m getting bored when I watch The Last Song and can cry....and I’m not even on any pills to blame it on...Either I’m really emotional, really want a boyfriend or just cannot stand any more sadness and frustration to living...
Why is love so difficult anyways? I mean even to love you’re neighbour. It’s exhausting... but it’s possible.. just no one does it. I mean how can someone live with themselves when they say oh I can’t take this dying woman who just gave birth to twins to the hospital since it’s against protocol...and yet it’s so easy to do and we all do it. Scary.
I really hope love is real, real love, sacrificial...the God kind... and that it’s not just in Him but able to be in us. I mean when I look at my puppies and see that they don’t really love me. They know that I will give them food and keep them warm and that it’s more advantageous for them to hang out with me than to wander... although I think Lily may believe otherwise...as she is currently galavanting off who knows where. Anyways I just hope that is not what we as humans do. And I know that it is... sometimes anyways. And that’s what makes me sick. But WHY? I guess if it bothers me than we must be capable of something more. OF real love. Non-conditional. Just because love....That’s what I hope for.
This is why I don’t like chick flicks... because I start thinking about these things and wishing I was Audrey Hepburn and listen to Coldplay and drinking hot cocoa... snap out of it Liz!!! lol... I mean like get a life. I just hope it happens soon.....or maybe ...it already has.
I was going to talk about ‘things’.. being my frustrations at work today but I don’t think I want to ... so lets skip it.
Instead I’ll just mention that I managed to get a flight to Gabs ... yea! and that means I can avoid the 16 hour bus ride :) So happy day.
The Canadians from Northern Youth Abroad left today... we watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and had thai curry last night for their last supper. It seems like they had just got here. Will definitely have to go north to visit sometime.. it just sucks that they’re all so far apart. But one, Brandon, is coming to Centennial so I’ll be able to visit him. They gave a presentation on the 14th which was really cool.. I learned so much... which by the way really should be taught in Canadian schools! I mean it is part of Canadian culture.. or at least it should be. They gave out a bunch of information and some souvenirs which was cool. I got a keychain with an Inuksuit on it... which is actually really appropriate since I saw one my first week here at the KFO Assembly at the Game Farm... And my favourite was the flag one of the girls gave me... it’s kind of hard to explain the meaning of it without seeing it but it’s just really cool that a flag can have such a great meaning and inspiration. Definitely a cool group, it was great meeting them.
Anyways I can’t wait to get to Gabs and be distracted by missing everything. I don’t know why.. but seriously I like yearn for the smell of Canadian pine needles roasting in the sun... it’s like I’m craving my typical summer that I was deprived of.... that and horses...every time I see one on the side of the road I tear up a little bit... then again I seem to be doing that a lot... hormones... I think I should just hurry up and get married, get my ranch started and adopt some babies.... and some goats! They are seriously so cute when they’re small.. plus they’ll cut the grass for free :)
August 17th
The words that come to mind right now are too vulgar and simplistic to repeat here... but let’s just say I feel like a kettle with no spout and am about to burst. Seriously I am surprised I haven’t done more damage here than I have... what with my angry outbursts....
Yet again we have another patient, stranded in Shaikarawe, who has had twins in her home, and didn’t take the advice of everyone to go to the clinic before and after, preferably during delivery... Now she has abdominal pain and who knows what else....perhaps she’s even dead... wouldn’t that just be lovely. I could visit and take pictures of her dead body and now orphaned twins... and then send them to the District Health Management Team with a nice note saying. “Don’t be lazy, it kills.” or maybe “You pricks stop being lazy !” Gah. Screw the ‘it’s a developing country’ whatever... the resources are here.. people are just lazy and selfish... ahhh! Music doesn’t even calm my rage right now...I really need to learn to harness this....but I mean if there’s ever a good reason to get angry it’s when people just don’t care! God got angry at that ... he didn’t like the lukewarm, those who turned their backs on others... so at least I can say this is righteous anger?
I was hung up on about 10 times by people who are working in the hospitals and clinics and constantly told , “ ah there’s no transport, ah it’s a problem... um I don’t know those numbers ...” ah!!!
August 25th
I have had quite the blog worthy week. We’ll start last Monday, the 15th. Dinah was in Gaborone at her peace corps training and Gae had left to join her as her counterpart. I went with Tathano to visit the settlements Kaputura, Shaikarawe and Tsodilo and it went really well. We followed up with them about the things they learned at the workshop and went over any problems they may have been facing that month. We also asked them what supplies they may need so we could bring it next time. In Shaikarawe we met with our CTBC and he told us about a woman who had given birth to twins on the weekend and was having abdominal pains and didn’t feel well. We aren’t supposed to give patients rides and had been through this situation before in the same village. We went to the clinics to discuss with someone the urgency with which this woman and her babies should be picked up but no one seemed to pick up on the importance.
That simple little task of driving someone 20 km to a clinic after giving birth seemed to be insurmountable. I spent the entire week on the phone, calling clinics, speaking with the DHMT (district health management team) and trying to find someone at Gumare Hospital who could arrange transport. Just when it seemed completely hopeless a doctor in charge of arranging transport agreed to move the patient. Thursday came around and I was planning to leave the next day to Gaborone, but no word about the patient. According to Shakawe clinic she had not arrived. I’m not able to call cell phones from the office so I couldn’t even reach Reuben to find out how she was.
So I left for Gaborone and had a good weekend....more on that later... and returned Monday to the office. After three phone calls I found out that she had been transported to Gumare Hospital... and that’s as far as I have found out to this date.
What an ordeal....which later comes back to haunt me.
My trip to Gabs was much better this time as I managed to get a flight from Maun... although it still ended up taking about 10 or 11 hours. lol. Werner had come up to Shakawe on Thursday to work at the Barclay’s Bank so I caught a lift with him to Sehithwa which was great and saved me from the bus. From there I decided to hitch to get to Maun. Without thinking I flagged over the first truck that I saw and a beat up white truck pulled over to the side. The driver was headed to Maun so I hopped in along with another man from the bus stop. As soon as we pulled away I laughed inside. This was the oldest truck in the world. The front of the truck shook so hard that it seem separated from the cab. There was no lining in the doors or ceiling, instead it was coated with what looked like yellow stringy mould. The best part was that it seemed the vehicle could not go faster than 60 km/h and I had to go pee. Luckily I have had a lot of experience in holding it and managed to hold it for the three or 4 hours...can’t really remember how long it was now... lol. Anyways the driver was really nice, a fisherman who was originally from Angola and was recruited as a child soldier. He had lived in Bots now for 17 years and said that he would/could not ever go back to Angola but that it was incredibly beautiful and full of fresh fruits and large trees.
Once I got to Maun I got in a crummy cab that shortchanged me and wouldn’t drop me off as far as the turn-off to the airport so I decided to walk. As I still had to pee this was a bad idea...it was a lot further than I thought. Just when I was to the point of considering asking someone to use their latrine I saw the airport and made it to the cafe near-by. Just then I got a phone call from the airline saying the my flight was delayed and wouldn’t leave until 9 pm rather than 7:30 pm. I thanked her for letting me know and decided to get dinner at the cafe. I stuffed my face with a BLT and coffee with some fries and then decided to head to the airport to check-in since I realized that there was a swiss-army knife in my bag.
Typical that I was offered a free meal at the same cafe I was just at...and could only use it that night :( They wouldn’t allow me to get reimbursed for the meal I had before so I decided to get some apple crumble and cider. I sat down at the bar since it was really crowded with those waiting for their flights and waited for the bartender. He didn’t seem to really notice me until the man sitting next to me mentioned that I hadn’t been helped yet. I ordered a drink and thus started the most hilarious night I’ve spent at a bar. This man, who’s name is Tony, was from Portugal originally and had grown up in South Africa and Botswana. He was a water treatment specialist, which of course I found most interesting. His friends... or at least I think they were friends also joined us, an older man in his 80s and one maybe in his 50s, who was very drunk. The older man claims to have started Barclay’s Bank in Botswana and had some really great stories. It was very odd to drink Yagermister shots with three old men lol. Anyways we got to our flight and I sat beside the nicest person and had a great conversation about God, and finding meaning in life, and whether our having good motives really is enough or if you do have to consider the consequences of what you do, even if it seems good. He drove me home in his gorgeous BMW ....definitely a good friend to make. On the way out of the airport Tony asked if I needed a drive to where I was staying and I mentioned that the man I sat beside, Ike, had offered and he lived right near where I was going. Tony pulled me aside and asked me who I trusted, and whether I could trust ‘him’ and then winked conspiratorially.
I looked right back at him and said I’m sure I know what you mean, but I think I’ll go with Ike. Guess that’s what you expect from someone who’s South African. There’s always that little hint of racism. As if I’m crazy for choosing to go with a well educated, intelligent Christian, who happened to be Motswana as opposed to going with a white, still slightly drunk man I met in a bar. Yeaaa.
Anyways I made it to the Big Five, where Dinah was staying for her training and snuck in to sleep there. For a day I was just another PeaceCorps.
We had a good indulgent weekend, went to see a movie, had a delicious lunch at a restaurant and even ordered pizza! I even braved the cold of the pool at Werner’s for about 5 seconds....at least the sun was warm :) We tried to changed the oil and fliter but we didn’t have the tools so I just decided to drive to Shakawe and hope things would be okay. Bright and early Monday morning we headed off to Shakawe. It ended up being a nice drive, about 11 hours long. We picked up two hitchhikers going to Kang, for the first stretch and they were nice enough, even paid us the bus fare. The next two weren’t so great, and told us they didn’t have any money... after we had driven them about 250km! Now much smarter we asked people before the got in if they had money, since we expect at least some contribution. We picked up three guys just outside Ghanzi who happened to be going right near Shakawe. They were about our age and really nice and definitely made the trip much more interesting. I love picking up hitchhikers lol because you get the best stories and make great connections. It also just makes a great picture. The one old man we picked up who said he didn’t have any money was carrying a bright red guitar and a shotgun. In he squished into the little blue fiat with three LeKoa with Flogging Mollys playing on the radio lol. Anyways the drive was good until the road to Shakawe which typically doesn’t have half of the road... and is full of potholes and animals. We made it alive though and without incident... minus a really nice but dumb bird which I killed....
It feels great to have a car, like I really live here lol.... although there’s currently no unleaded fuel available right now.. since the pump is broken yet again. But once it is we’re going to head to Namibia to get my car serviced and go see some waterfalls !
Now I think we’re at about Tuesday... which I think passed by uneventfully. We just went and handed out flyers for the permagardening workshop which is coming up fast and spoke with some people about their interest in coming and contributing. We also dropped in on a friend who just found out they have TB.
Wednesday was definitely much more ‘eventful’. We had a staff meeting that went sour...or exploded. My coordinator really rubs me the wrong way. The meeting was fine until he turned to the health program and some feedback from the directors of Kuru. His tone changed and became very personal and accusing. It was okay, and I actually agreed with much of what he was saying about a lack of communication and other issues.
But I did not agree that we should be separate from TOCaDI or leave Letloa... anyways that is way too big of an issue to explain.
Then one of my co-workers asked a question about Shaikarawe and the patient that I mentioned earlier. He wanted to know why we didn’t take her to the clinic when we had transport and were in the village. He said that she was left until she could not breastfeed...he didn’t know that at this point she was in the hospital in Gumare. So this was all in Setswana and I asked for it to be translated but Galefele didn’t really understand the situation so he talked about it first in Setswana. Then he began to accuse me of how I could do that without even asking what actually happened. So I began to explain and try to speak over him since he’s not letting me speak. Of course this challenges his authority and he tells me to be quite. He goes on saying that what we did what against Kuru policy, which it’s not, and that he would never have done that... Meanwhile his voice and mine are getting louder, basically things escalated and he told me to leave the room. So i said NO. He did not like this and said that he was the coordinator and how could I say no. I told him I was a co-worker and that he could listen to my side of the story. I said that I would stay and finish this discussion like an adult. Well he just sat and stared at me until Dinah interrupted and tried to explain to him our side and view that driving patient’s around would only create a precedent and would not encourage pressure to be put on the government to actually deal with the problems at hand.
Well he wouldn’t listen and the topic moved on. Basically that bridge is burned... but seriously! I don’t care???! Are you kidding.. I spent a week wrangling on the phone for the proper channels to be followed so that these middle level government officials would get off their butts and do their work!
So that situation has stressed me out quite a bit and I woke up not feeling great, with lots of tension in my neck. Couldn’t even keep down my pain killers so I spent my day in bed practically. But the great thing is that everyone in my workplace came by to visit and were incredibly supportive. The staff in D’Kar have told me that it’s not my fault and even if I was acting out of line, he’s the coordinator and should know better than making personal attacks in a staff meeting. I’ve also been told that we did do the right thing with the patient....the thing is that I actually agree a bit with Galefele... If that woman had died it would be my fault. I actually don’t know if she’s okay...or her twins. I mean we were there... we know that the system doesn’t work....Should we have just broken the rules and taken her to the hospital and then spent the time on the phone pressuring and haggling the officials...? Are they even going to care if one woman, especially a San woman that they view is lazy ( as I have been told by the clinic staff ) dies? I don’t want to be clinical and bureaucratic.. and that’s what I was doing....
Yesterday I saw a dog eating the face off of a dead horse. The circle of life?
Sept 2nd
It’s beginning to be fall at home and summer here is just beginning...and man is it finally getting hot! It’s nice.. but not when you have to be in office clothes and sit at your desk in the stagnant heat... but at night and in the morning lets just say it’s lovely.
We’ve had no water for three weeks now, and I’ve grown accustomed to going down to the river, checking the standpipe in the middle of the night to see if it’s working and driving to the pipe in town to fill drinking water buckets. While looking for water that was semi clean at the river I stumbled upon a nice beach... actually I was led to it by some children who told me not to take the water I was gathering... so I did... That’s when I had the brilliant idea to go swimming :)
Morgan and I headed down to the river... yes the Okavango river to bathe and it was awesome! Cold water and soap are a great combination after weeks of terrible bucket baths... only every now and then. Luckily there were lots of children splashing and making noise around us... so no fear of crocodiles... but the next time we went it was freaky since there was no one there! Not even a cow crossing the river... creepy... but at least I was clean :)
Yesterday the power was cut... since TOCaDI again failed to pay their bills.. what sucks about that is that I live at TOCaDI! Bad situation right.. so my entire freezer was chucked.... likely should have thrown out the mayo too.. but I just can’t part with it... it tastes like real mayo and I got it in Maun.. the mayo here is bitter like soya mayo... ick. But luckily that was a problem that was actually solved quickly.
Anyways it’s too hot in here to think so i’m going to finish this later...
I know I’m getting bored when I watch The Last Song and can cry....and I’m not even on any pills to blame it on...Either I’m really emotional, really want a boyfriend or just cannot stand any more sadness and frustration to living...
Why is love so difficult anyways? I mean even to love you’re neighbour. It’s exhausting... but it’s possible.. just no one does it. I mean how can someone live with themselves when they say oh I can’t take this dying woman who just gave birth to twins to the hospital since it’s against protocol...and yet it’s so easy to do and we all do it. Scary.
I really hope love is real, real love, sacrificial...the God kind... and that it’s not just in Him but able to be in us. I mean when I look at my puppies and see that they don’t really love me. They know that I will give them food and keep them warm and that it’s more advantageous for them to hang out with me than to wander... although I think Lily may believe otherwise...as she is currently galavanting off who knows where. Anyways I just hope that is not what we as humans do. And I know that it is... sometimes anyways. And that’s what makes me sick. But WHY? I guess if it bothers me than we must be capable of something more. OF real love. Non-conditional. Just because love....That’s what I hope for.
This is why I don’t like chick flicks... because I start thinking about these things and wishing I was Audrey Hepburn and listen to Coldplay and drinking hot cocoa... snap out of it Liz!!! lol... I mean like get a life. I just hope it happens soon.....or maybe ...it already has.
I was going to talk about ‘things’.. being my frustrations at work today but I don’t think I want to ... so lets skip it.
Instead I’ll just mention that I managed to get a flight to Gabs ... yea! and that means I can avoid the 16 hour bus ride :) So happy day.
The Canadians from Northern Youth Abroad left today... we watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and had thai curry last night for their last supper. It seems like they had just got here. Will definitely have to go north to visit sometime.. it just sucks that they’re all so far apart. But one, Brandon, is coming to Centennial so I’ll be able to visit him. They gave a presentation on the 14th which was really cool.. I learned so much... which by the way really should be taught in Canadian schools! I mean it is part of Canadian culture.. or at least it should be. They gave out a bunch of information and some souvenirs which was cool. I got a keychain with an Inuksuit on it... which is actually really appropriate since I saw one my first week here at the KFO Assembly at the Game Farm... And my favourite was the flag one of the girls gave me... it’s kind of hard to explain the meaning of it without seeing it but it’s just really cool that a flag can have such a great meaning and inspiration. Definitely a cool group, it was great meeting them.
Anyways I can’t wait to get to Gabs and be distracted by missing everything. I don’t know why.. but seriously I like yearn for the smell of Canadian pine needles roasting in the sun... it’s like I’m craving my typical summer that I was deprived of.... that and horses...every time I see one on the side of the road I tear up a little bit... then again I seem to be doing that a lot... hormones... I think I should just hurry up and get married, get my ranch started and adopt some babies.... and some goats! They are seriously so cute when they’re small.. plus they’ll cut the grass for free :)
August 17th
The words that come to mind right now are too vulgar and simplistic to repeat here... but let’s just say I feel like a kettle with no spout and am about to burst. Seriously I am surprised I haven’t done more damage here than I have... what with my angry outbursts....
Yet again we have another patient, stranded in Shaikarawe, who has had twins in her home, and didn’t take the advice of everyone to go to the clinic before and after, preferably during delivery... Now she has abdominal pain and who knows what else....perhaps she’s even dead... wouldn’t that just be lovely. I could visit and take pictures of her dead body and now orphaned twins... and then send them to the District Health Management Team with a nice note saying. “Don’t be lazy, it kills.” or maybe “You pricks stop being lazy !” Gah. Screw the ‘it’s a developing country’ whatever... the resources are here.. people are just lazy and selfish... ahhh! Music doesn’t even calm my rage right now...I really need to learn to harness this....but I mean if there’s ever a good reason to get angry it’s when people just don’t care! God got angry at that ... he didn’t like the lukewarm, those who turned their backs on others... so at least I can say this is righteous anger?
I was hung up on about 10 times by people who are working in the hospitals and clinics and constantly told , “ ah there’s no transport, ah it’s a problem... um I don’t know those numbers ...” ah!!!
August 25th
I have had quite the blog worthy week. We’ll start last Monday, the 15th. Dinah was in Gaborone at her peace corps training and Gae had left to join her as her counterpart. I went with Tathano to visit the settlements Kaputura, Shaikarawe and Tsodilo and it went really well. We followed up with them about the things they learned at the workshop and went over any problems they may have been facing that month. We also asked them what supplies they may need so we could bring it next time. In Shaikarawe we met with our CTBC and he told us about a woman who had given birth to twins on the weekend and was having abdominal pains and didn’t feel well. We aren’t supposed to give patients rides and had been through this situation before in the same village. We went to the clinics to discuss with someone the urgency with which this woman and her babies should be picked up but no one seemed to pick up on the importance.
That simple little task of driving someone 20 km to a clinic after giving birth seemed to be insurmountable. I spent the entire week on the phone, calling clinics, speaking with the DHMT (district health management team) and trying to find someone at Gumare Hospital who could arrange transport. Just when it seemed completely hopeless a doctor in charge of arranging transport agreed to move the patient. Thursday came around and I was planning to leave the next day to Gaborone, but no word about the patient. According to Shakawe clinic she had not arrived. I’m not able to call cell phones from the office so I couldn’t even reach Reuben to find out how she was.
So I left for Gaborone and had a good weekend....more on that later... and returned Monday to the office. After three phone calls I found out that she had been transported to Gumare Hospital... and that’s as far as I have found out to this date.
What an ordeal....which later comes back to haunt me.
My trip to Gabs was much better this time as I managed to get a flight from Maun... although it still ended up taking about 10 or 11 hours. lol. Werner had come up to Shakawe on Thursday to work at the Barclay’s Bank so I caught a lift with him to Sehithwa which was great and saved me from the bus. From there I decided to hitch to get to Maun. Without thinking I flagged over the first truck that I saw and a beat up white truck pulled over to the side. The driver was headed to Maun so I hopped in along with another man from the bus stop. As soon as we pulled away I laughed inside. This was the oldest truck in the world. The front of the truck shook so hard that it seem separated from the cab. There was no lining in the doors or ceiling, instead it was coated with what looked like yellow stringy mould. The best part was that it seemed the vehicle could not go faster than 60 km/h and I had to go pee. Luckily I have had a lot of experience in holding it and managed to hold it for the three or 4 hours...can’t really remember how long it was now... lol. Anyways the driver was really nice, a fisherman who was originally from Angola and was recruited as a child soldier. He had lived in Bots now for 17 years and said that he would/could not ever go back to Angola but that it was incredibly beautiful and full of fresh fruits and large trees.
Once I got to Maun I got in a crummy cab that shortchanged me and wouldn’t drop me off as far as the turn-off to the airport so I decided to walk. As I still had to pee this was a bad idea...it was a lot further than I thought. Just when I was to the point of considering asking someone to use their latrine I saw the airport and made it to the cafe near-by. Just then I got a phone call from the airline saying the my flight was delayed and wouldn’t leave until 9 pm rather than 7:30 pm. I thanked her for letting me know and decided to get dinner at the cafe. I stuffed my face with a BLT and coffee with some fries and then decided to head to the airport to check-in since I realized that there was a swiss-army knife in my bag.
Typical that I was offered a free meal at the same cafe I was just at...and could only use it that night :( They wouldn’t allow me to get reimbursed for the meal I had before so I decided to get some apple crumble and cider. I sat down at the bar since it was really crowded with those waiting for their flights and waited for the bartender. He didn’t seem to really notice me until the man sitting next to me mentioned that I hadn’t been helped yet. I ordered a drink and thus started the most hilarious night I’ve spent at a bar. This man, who’s name is Tony, was from Portugal originally and had grown up in South Africa and Botswana. He was a water treatment specialist, which of course I found most interesting. His friends... or at least I think they were friends also joined us, an older man in his 80s and one maybe in his 50s, who was very drunk. The older man claims to have started Barclay’s Bank in Botswana and had some really great stories. It was very odd to drink Yagermister shots with three old men lol. Anyways we got to our flight and I sat beside the nicest person and had a great conversation about God, and finding meaning in life, and whether our having good motives really is enough or if you do have to consider the consequences of what you do, even if it seems good. He drove me home in his gorgeous BMW ....definitely a good friend to make. On the way out of the airport Tony asked if I needed a drive to where I was staying and I mentioned that the man I sat beside, Ike, had offered and he lived right near where I was going. Tony pulled me aside and asked me who I trusted, and whether I could trust ‘him’ and then winked conspiratorially.
I looked right back at him and said I’m sure I know what you mean, but I think I’ll go with Ike. Guess that’s what you expect from someone who’s South African. There’s always that little hint of racism. As if I’m crazy for choosing to go with a well educated, intelligent Christian, who happened to be Motswana as opposed to going with a white, still slightly drunk man I met in a bar. Yeaaa.
Anyways I made it to the Big Five, where Dinah was staying for her training and snuck in to sleep there. For a day I was just another PeaceCorps.
We had a good indulgent weekend, went to see a movie, had a delicious lunch at a restaurant and even ordered pizza! I even braved the cold of the pool at Werner’s for about 5 seconds....at least the sun was warm :) We tried to changed the oil and fliter but we didn’t have the tools so I just decided to drive to Shakawe and hope things would be okay. Bright and early Monday morning we headed off to Shakawe. It ended up being a nice drive, about 11 hours long. We picked up two hitchhikers going to Kang, for the first stretch and they were nice enough, even paid us the bus fare. The next two weren’t so great, and told us they didn’t have any money... after we had driven them about 250km! Now much smarter we asked people before the got in if they had money, since we expect at least some contribution. We picked up three guys just outside Ghanzi who happened to be going right near Shakawe. They were about our age and really nice and definitely made the trip much more interesting. I love picking up hitchhikers lol because you get the best stories and make great connections. It also just makes a great picture. The one old man we picked up who said he didn’t have any money was carrying a bright red guitar and a shotgun. In he squished into the little blue fiat with three LeKoa with Flogging Mollys playing on the radio lol. Anyways the drive was good until the road to Shakawe which typically doesn’t have half of the road... and is full of potholes and animals. We made it alive though and without incident... minus a really nice but dumb bird which I killed....
It feels great to have a car, like I really live here lol.... although there’s currently no unleaded fuel available right now.. since the pump is broken yet again. But once it is we’re going to head to Namibia to get my car serviced and go see some waterfalls !
Now I think we’re at about Tuesday... which I think passed by uneventfully. We just went and handed out flyers for the permagardening workshop which is coming up fast and spoke with some people about their interest in coming and contributing. We also dropped in on a friend who just found out they have TB.
Wednesday was definitely much more ‘eventful’. We had a staff meeting that went sour...or exploded. My coordinator really rubs me the wrong way. The meeting was fine until he turned to the health program and some feedback from the directors of Kuru. His tone changed and became very personal and accusing. It was okay, and I actually agreed with much of what he was saying about a lack of communication and other issues.
But I did not agree that we should be separate from TOCaDI or leave Letloa... anyways that is way too big of an issue to explain.
Then one of my co-workers asked a question about Shaikarawe and the patient that I mentioned earlier. He wanted to know why we didn’t take her to the clinic when we had transport and were in the village. He said that she was left until she could not breastfeed...he didn’t know that at this point she was in the hospital in Gumare. So this was all in Setswana and I asked for it to be translated but Galefele didn’t really understand the situation so he talked about it first in Setswana. Then he began to accuse me of how I could do that without even asking what actually happened. So I began to explain and try to speak over him since he’s not letting me speak. Of course this challenges his authority and he tells me to be quite. He goes on saying that what we did what against Kuru policy, which it’s not, and that he would never have done that... Meanwhile his voice and mine are getting louder, basically things escalated and he told me to leave the room. So i said NO. He did not like this and said that he was the coordinator and how could I say no. I told him I was a co-worker and that he could listen to my side of the story. I said that I would stay and finish this discussion like an adult. Well he just sat and stared at me until Dinah interrupted and tried to explain to him our side and view that driving patient’s around would only create a precedent and would not encourage pressure to be put on the government to actually deal with the problems at hand.
Well he wouldn’t listen and the topic moved on. Basically that bridge is burned... but seriously! I don’t care???! Are you kidding.. I spent a week wrangling on the phone for the proper channels to be followed so that these middle level government officials would get off their butts and do their work!
So that situation has stressed me out quite a bit and I woke up not feeling great, with lots of tension in my neck. Couldn’t even keep down my pain killers so I spent my day in bed practically. But the great thing is that everyone in my workplace came by to visit and were incredibly supportive. The staff in D’Kar have told me that it’s not my fault and even if I was acting out of line, he’s the coordinator and should know better than making personal attacks in a staff meeting. I’ve also been told that we did do the right thing with the patient....the thing is that I actually agree a bit with Galefele... If that woman had died it would be my fault. I actually don’t know if she’s okay...or her twins. I mean we were there... we know that the system doesn’t work....Should we have just broken the rules and taken her to the hospital and then spent the time on the phone pressuring and haggling the officials...? Are they even going to care if one woman, especially a San woman that they view is lazy ( as I have been told by the clinic staff ) dies? I don’t want to be clinical and bureaucratic.. and that’s what I was doing....
Yesterday I saw a dog eating the face off of a dead horse. The circle of life?
Sept 2nd
It’s beginning to be fall at home and summer here is just beginning...and man is it finally getting hot! It’s nice.. but not when you have to be in office clothes and sit at your desk in the stagnant heat... but at night and in the morning lets just say it’s lovely.
We’ve had no water for three weeks now, and I’ve grown accustomed to going down to the river, checking the standpipe in the middle of the night to see if it’s working and driving to the pipe in town to fill drinking water buckets. While looking for water that was semi clean at the river I stumbled upon a nice beach... actually I was led to it by some children who told me not to take the water I was gathering... so I did... That’s when I had the brilliant idea to go swimming :)
Morgan and I headed down to the river... yes the Okavango river to bathe and it was awesome! Cold water and soap are a great combination after weeks of terrible bucket baths... only every now and then. Luckily there were lots of children splashing and making noise around us... so no fear of crocodiles... but the next time we went it was freaky since there was no one there! Not even a cow crossing the river... creepy... but at least I was clean :)
Yesterday the power was cut... since TOCaDI again failed to pay their bills.. what sucks about that is that I live at TOCaDI! Bad situation right.. so my entire freezer was chucked.... likely should have thrown out the mayo too.. but I just can’t part with it... it tastes like real mayo and I got it in Maun.. the mayo here is bitter like soya mayo... ick. But luckily that was a problem that was actually solved quickly.
Anyways it’s too hot in here to think so i’m going to finish this later...
Monday, 15 August 2011
Anomolies, irritants and productivty...
August 13th
Saturday. The best day of the week...or the worst, it depends on your perspective. If you tend to be a productive person who rarely gets bored, as you make your own entertainment and work then Saturdays are very likely busy and not really a ‘break’ from your work week. In fact you likely accomplish more on the Saturday than you do during the week. This is me. Now often this is tiring and I wonder when I will finally get a ‘day off’ so that I can catch up... but other times it’s great because you can accomplish so much!
I know... you’re thinking shouldn’t you also be accomplishing things during the week... well yes. But I’m in development... or actually I’m supposed to be... and right now that means we don’t do or complete much.. not that we do nothing.. just not very much...
Anyways the benefit of this workaholic personality is that at the end of the day I can list off the things I’ve done :) I know most people don’t really care but I like this... maybe that’s why I always liked working on farms, at the end of the day you can always measure what you’ve accomplished.
So I guess my point is that today was very successful... I planted my seedlings, and my first plot in the garden. We have onions, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, eggplant, sweet peppers, cayenne, chives and swiss chard. Can’t wait for them to grow ! I hope they do.. since the soil and sun seems different here...
I also washed my blankets, two loads of clothes (this is all by hand), made a bacon & leek quiche and cleaned my house. Maybe this day seemed to have more time than usual since my neighbour decided to wake me up at 7 am on a Sat morning to use my iron. No phone call, no asking... just “Liz! I’m outside.. I’m here to use your iron. Open the door.” Yea ... I just don’t get how people don’t think this is rude? I even managed to shower and go to a BBQ with the Canadian volunteers at Botshelo Trust. This list of things may not seem like a lot ... but let me say that washing by hand... especially with only one bucket is quite the time consuming matter.. although I can do a load in about 20 min now!
Also when you’re gardening it does generally speed things up when you have tools.. today I used a half melted beer bottle to dig and fill pots with soil... and since there was not enough water pressure for the hose I used a bucket and sprinkled water on each seedling.... such love ....
OH! I almost forgot the exciting yet disgusting event of the day... so .. I was drinking my lovely coffee ... my first in three days ! And i got up from watching I Heart Huckabees to go to the washroom... when I came back Lily came running in from outside and jumped up on the couch before I could stop her... aw... so cute. NOT. She had brought me a gift, a fuzzy, still warm and bleeding gift. A dead rat... I have no idea where she got it or if she actually killed it.. but it was disgusting...Thank you for the addition to my breakfast of french toast and pawpaw compote with vanilla syrup. Ick.
I thought I had a lot more to write about but I guess not... oh well maybe i’ll think of it next time :)
August 14th - Domesticted?
I thought I would share some of my recipes that have occupied my time here... since food seems to take up a large amount of my time :)
Quiche Lorraine with an Olive Oil Crust
The Crust
2/3 cup of extra virgin olive oil
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup ice water
1 tbsp vinegar
Place olive oil in the freezer until it solidifies to a consistency similar to honey ( you can also whip with ice water until consistency is achieved) Check every 30 min or so.
The Filling
3 large eggs
250ml cream or half and half
4 or 5 strips of bacon, diced
3 large leeks, thinly sliced (or onions)
salt and ground pepper
1 teaspoon thyme
shredded cheddar
When olive oil solidifies place flour, salt and baking powder into a food processor and pulse to mix (or mix by hand). Add remaining ingredients until a dough ball forms. Place in an air tight container or plastic wrap and put in the fridge for an hour to chill.
Roll into 1/8 inch think and put into a pie plate. If it crumbles just place in the pie pan first and form to the pan.
For the filling saute the bacon in butter until crispy, then dice. Add the thyme and leeks (or you can use onions) until they are soft. Scatter the onions or leeks and the bacon on the bottom of the pie crust. Grate the cheddar over the bacon and onions/leeks. Whisk the eggs, cream and salt and pepper then pour into the pie pan.
Grate cheese on top and bake for 40-45 min or until filling is solid and golden brown. If the edges of the crust brown too quickly cover with foil around the outside.
Banana Bread
Ingredients
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 large eggs
• 3 ripe bananas
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
Directions
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.
Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork. Mix in the milk and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until combined. Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.
Pour batter into prepared pan and bake 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes. Remove bread from pan, invert onto rack and cool completely before slicing
Spread slices with honey or serve with ice cream
Chocolate Chunk Macadamia Nut Cookies with Cranberries
1 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp hot water
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups broken chocolate bar
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
1/2 cup dried cranberries
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add to batter along with salt. Stir in flour, chocolate chips, and nuts. Drop by large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans.
Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are nicely browned.
Summer Breeze
Double shot of vodka
half orange juice
half peace juice
1 ice cube
squirt of lemon (leave in the drink)
Kind of Greek Salad
cucumber
tomatoe
feta
onion
green pepper
shredded carrots
olive oil
salt & pepper
cayenne
raisins (if you like them)
lemon
Mix all together, chop the veggies how you'd like, sprinkle some oil and lemon juice, add some salt & cayenne and feta then eat :)
...all in all I feel like I’ve become rather domesticated... speaking of domesticated my Uncle Glen got married yesterday.. wish I could have been there ! All the best!
My next venture will be to try and recreate this bread I had at a presentation by some researchers from South Africa.. it was seriously the most amazing bread! They said they used beer rather than yeast... so as soon as I get some I’m going to try it :)
Speaking of food... as I sit here and write the puppies stare at me with baneful expressions... hoping that I will take pity on them and throw them some of my sandwich...not this time pups.
Saturday. The best day of the week...or the worst, it depends on your perspective. If you tend to be a productive person who rarely gets bored, as you make your own entertainment and work then Saturdays are very likely busy and not really a ‘break’ from your work week. In fact you likely accomplish more on the Saturday than you do during the week. This is me. Now often this is tiring and I wonder when I will finally get a ‘day off’ so that I can catch up... but other times it’s great because you can accomplish so much!
I know... you’re thinking shouldn’t you also be accomplishing things during the week... well yes. But I’m in development... or actually I’m supposed to be... and right now that means we don’t do or complete much.. not that we do nothing.. just not very much...
Anyways the benefit of this workaholic personality is that at the end of the day I can list off the things I’ve done :) I know most people don’t really care but I like this... maybe that’s why I always liked working on farms, at the end of the day you can always measure what you’ve accomplished.
So I guess my point is that today was very successful... I planted my seedlings, and my first plot in the garden. We have onions, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, eggplant, sweet peppers, cayenne, chives and swiss chard. Can’t wait for them to grow ! I hope they do.. since the soil and sun seems different here...
I also washed my blankets, two loads of clothes (this is all by hand), made a bacon & leek quiche and cleaned my house. Maybe this day seemed to have more time than usual since my neighbour decided to wake me up at 7 am on a Sat morning to use my iron. No phone call, no asking... just “Liz! I’m outside.. I’m here to use your iron. Open the door.” Yea ... I just don’t get how people don’t think this is rude? I even managed to shower and go to a BBQ with the Canadian volunteers at Botshelo Trust. This list of things may not seem like a lot ... but let me say that washing by hand... especially with only one bucket is quite the time consuming matter.. although I can do a load in about 20 min now!
Also when you’re gardening it does generally speed things up when you have tools.. today I used a half melted beer bottle to dig and fill pots with soil... and since there was not enough water pressure for the hose I used a bucket and sprinkled water on each seedling.... such love ....
OH! I almost forgot the exciting yet disgusting event of the day... so .. I was drinking my lovely coffee ... my first in three days ! And i got up from watching I Heart Huckabees to go to the washroom... when I came back Lily came running in from outside and jumped up on the couch before I could stop her... aw... so cute. NOT. She had brought me a gift, a fuzzy, still warm and bleeding gift. A dead rat... I have no idea where she got it or if she actually killed it.. but it was disgusting...Thank you for the addition to my breakfast of french toast and pawpaw compote with vanilla syrup. Ick.
I thought I had a lot more to write about but I guess not... oh well maybe i’ll think of it next time :)
August 14th - Domesticted?
I thought I would share some of my recipes that have occupied my time here... since food seems to take up a large amount of my time :)
Quiche Lorraine with an Olive Oil Crust
The Crust
2/3 cup of extra virgin olive oil
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup ice water
1 tbsp vinegar
Place olive oil in the freezer until it solidifies to a consistency similar to honey ( you can also whip with ice water until consistency is achieved) Check every 30 min or so.
The Filling
3 large eggs
250ml cream or half and half
4 or 5 strips of bacon, diced
3 large leeks, thinly sliced (or onions)
salt and ground pepper
1 teaspoon thyme
shredded cheddar
When olive oil solidifies place flour, salt and baking powder into a food processor and pulse to mix (or mix by hand). Add remaining ingredients until a dough ball forms. Place in an air tight container or plastic wrap and put in the fridge for an hour to chill.
Roll into 1/8 inch think and put into a pie plate. If it crumbles just place in the pie pan first and form to the pan.
For the filling saute the bacon in butter until crispy, then dice. Add the thyme and leeks (or you can use onions) until they are soft. Scatter the onions or leeks and the bacon on the bottom of the pie crust. Grate the cheddar over the bacon and onions/leeks. Whisk the eggs, cream and salt and pepper then pour into the pie pan.
Grate cheese on top and bake for 40-45 min or until filling is solid and golden brown. If the edges of the crust brown too quickly cover with foil around the outside.
Banana Bread
Ingredients
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 large eggs
• 3 ripe bananas
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
Directions
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.
Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork. Mix in the milk and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until combined. Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.
Pour batter into prepared pan and bake 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes. Remove bread from pan, invert onto rack and cool completely before slicing
Spread slices with honey or serve with ice cream
Chocolate Chunk Macadamia Nut Cookies with Cranberries
1 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp hot water
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups broken chocolate bar
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
1/2 cup dried cranberries
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add to batter along with salt. Stir in flour, chocolate chips, and nuts. Drop by large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans.
Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are nicely browned.
Summer Breeze
Double shot of vodka
half orange juice
half peace juice
1 ice cube
squirt of lemon (leave in the drink)
Kind of Greek Salad
cucumber
tomatoe
feta
onion
green pepper
shredded carrots
olive oil
salt & pepper
cayenne
raisins (if you like them)
lemon
Mix all together, chop the veggies how you'd like, sprinkle some oil and lemon juice, add some salt & cayenne and feta then eat :)
...all in all I feel like I’ve become rather domesticated... speaking of domesticated my Uncle Glen got married yesterday.. wish I could have been there ! All the best!
My next venture will be to try and recreate this bread I had at a presentation by some researchers from South Africa.. it was seriously the most amazing bread! They said they used beer rather than yeast... so as soon as I get some I’m going to try it :)
Speaking of food... as I sit here and write the puppies stare at me with baneful expressions... hoping that I will take pity on them and throw them some of my sandwich...not this time pups.
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