August....

August 16th Of love and things and eskimo rings...


I know I’m getting bored when I watch The Last Song and can cry....and I’m not even on any pills to blame it on...Either I’m really emotional, really want a boyfriend or just cannot stand any more sadness and frustration to living...
Why is love so difficult anyways? I mean even to love you’re neighbour. It’s exhausting... but it’s possible.. just no one does it. I mean how can someone live with themselves when they say oh I can’t take this dying woman who just gave birth to twins to the hospital since it’s against protocol...and yet it’s so easy to do and we all do it. Scary.
I really hope love is real, real love, sacrificial...the God kind... and that it’s not just in Him but able to be in us. I mean when I look at my puppies and see that they don’t really love me. They know that I will give them food and keep them warm and that it’s more advantageous for them to hang out with me than to wander... although I think Lily may believe otherwise...as she is currently galavanting off who knows where. Anyways I just hope that is not what we as humans do. And I know that it is... sometimes anyways. And that’s what makes me sick. But WHY? I guess if it bothers me than we must be capable of something more. OF real love. Non-conditional. Just because love....That’s what I hope for.
This is why I don’t like chick flicks... because I start thinking about these things and wishing I was Audrey Hepburn and listen to Coldplay and drinking hot cocoa... snap out of it Liz!!! lol... I mean like get a life. I just hope it happens soon.....or maybe ...it already has.
I was going to talk about ‘things’.. being my frustrations at work today but I don’t think I want to ... so lets skip it.
Instead I’ll just mention that I managed to get a flight to Gabs ... yea! and that means I can avoid the 16 hour bus ride :) So happy day.
The Canadians from Northern Youth Abroad left today... we watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and had thai curry last night for their last supper. It seems like they had just got here. Will definitely have to go north to visit sometime.. it just sucks that they’re all so far apart. But one, Brandon, is coming to Centennial so I’ll be able to visit him. They gave a presentation on the 14th which was really cool.. I learned so much... which by the way really should be taught in Canadian schools! I mean it is part of Canadian culture.. or at least it should be. They gave out a bunch of information and some souvenirs which was cool. I got a keychain with an Inuksuit on it... which is actually really appropriate since I saw one my first week here at the KFO Assembly at the Game Farm... And my favourite was the flag one of the girls gave me... it’s kind of hard to explain the meaning of it without seeing it but it’s just really cool that a flag can have such a great meaning and inspiration. Definitely a cool group, it was great meeting them.
Anyways I can’t wait to get to Gabs and be distracted by missing everything. I don’t know why.. but seriously I like yearn for the smell of Canadian pine needles roasting in the sun... it’s like I’m craving my typical summer that I was deprived of.... that and horses...every time I see one on the side of the road I tear up a little bit... then again I seem to be doing that a lot... hormones... I think I should just hurry up and get married, get my ranch started and adopt some babies.... and some goats! They are seriously so cute when they’re small.. plus they’ll cut the grass for free :)


August 17th

The words that come to mind right now are too vulgar and simplistic to repeat here... but let’s just say I feel like a kettle with no spout and am about to burst. Seriously I am surprised I haven’t done more damage here than I have... what with my angry outbursts....
Yet again we have another patient, stranded in Shaikarawe, who has had twins in her home, and didn’t take the advice of everyone to go to the clinic before and after, preferably during delivery... Now she has abdominal pain and who knows what else....perhaps she’s even dead... wouldn’t that just be lovely. I could visit and take pictures of her dead body and now orphaned twins... and then send them to the District Health Management Team with a nice note saying. “Don’t be lazy, it kills.” or maybe “You pricks stop being lazy !” Gah. Screw the ‘it’s a developing country’ whatever... the resources are here.. people are just lazy and selfish... ahhh! Music doesn’t even calm my rage right now...I really need to learn to harness this....but I mean if there’s ever a good reason to get angry it’s when people just don’t care! God got angry at that ... he didn’t like the lukewarm, those who turned their backs on others... so at least I can say this is righteous anger?
I was hung up on about 10 times by people who are working in the hospitals and clinics and constantly told , “ ah there’s no transport, ah it’s a problem... um I don’t know those numbers ...” ah!!!


August 25th

I have had quite the blog worthy week. We’ll start last Monday, the 15th. Dinah was in Gaborone at her peace corps training and Gae had left to join her as her counterpart. I went with Tathano to visit the settlements Kaputura, Shaikarawe and Tsodilo and it went really well. We followed up with them about the things they learned at the workshop and went over any problems they may have been facing that month. We also asked them what supplies they may need so we could bring it next time. In Shaikarawe we met with our CTBC and he told us about a woman who had given birth to twins on the weekend and was having abdominal pains and didn’t feel well. We aren’t supposed to give patients rides and had been through this situation before in the same village. We went to the clinics to discuss with someone the urgency with which this woman and her babies should be picked up but no one seemed to pick up on the importance.
That simple little task of driving someone 20 km to a clinic after giving birth seemed to be insurmountable. I spent the entire week on the phone, calling clinics, speaking with the DHMT (district health management team) and trying to find someone at Gumare Hospital who could arrange transport. Just when it seemed completely hopeless a doctor in charge of arranging transport agreed to move the patient. Thursday came around and I was planning to leave the next day to Gaborone, but no word about the patient. According to Shakawe clinic she had not arrived. I’m not able to call cell phones from the office so I couldn’t even reach Reuben to find out how she was.
So I left for Gaborone and had a good weekend....more on that later... and returned Monday to the office. After three phone calls I found out that she had been transported to Gumare Hospital... and that’s as far as I have found out to this date.
What an ordeal....which later comes back to haunt me.

My trip to Gabs was much better this time as I managed to get a flight from Maun... although it still ended up taking about 10 or 11 hours. lol. Werner had come up to Shakawe on Thursday to work at the Barclay’s Bank so I caught a lift with him to Sehithwa which was great and saved me from the bus. From there I decided to hitch to get to Maun. Without thinking I flagged over the first truck that I saw and a beat up white truck pulled over to the side. The driver was headed to Maun so I hopped in along with another man from the bus stop. As soon as we pulled away I laughed inside. This was the oldest truck in the world. The front of the truck shook so hard that it seem separated from the cab. There was no lining in the doors or ceiling, instead it was coated with what looked like yellow stringy mould. The best part was that it seemed the vehicle could not go faster than 60 km/h and I had to go pee. Luckily I have had a lot of experience in holding it and managed to hold it for the three or 4 hours...can’t really remember how long it was now... lol. Anyways the driver was really nice, a fisherman who was originally from Angola and was recruited as a child soldier. He had lived in Bots now for 17 years and said that he would/could not ever go back to Angola but that it was incredibly beautiful and full of fresh fruits and large trees.
Once I got to Maun I got in a crummy cab that shortchanged me and wouldn’t drop me off as far as the turn-off to the airport so I decided to walk. As I still had to pee this was a bad idea...it was a lot further than I thought. Just when I was to the point of considering asking someone to use their latrine I saw the airport and made it to the cafe near-by. Just then I got a phone call from the airline saying the my flight was delayed and wouldn’t leave until 9 pm rather than 7:30 pm. I thanked her for letting me know and decided to get dinner at the cafe. I stuffed my face with a BLT and coffee with some fries and then decided to head to the airport to check-in since I realized that there was a swiss-army knife in my bag.
Typical that I was offered a free meal at the same cafe I was just at...and could only use it that night :( They wouldn’t allow me to get reimbursed for the meal I had before so I decided to get some apple crumble and cider. I sat down at the bar since it was really crowded with those waiting for their flights and waited for the bartender. He didn’t seem to really notice me until the man sitting next to me mentioned that I hadn’t been helped yet. I ordered a drink and thus started the most hilarious night I’ve spent at a bar. This man, who’s name is Tony, was from Portugal originally and had grown up in South Africa and Botswana. He was a water treatment specialist, which of course I found most interesting. His friends... or at least I think they were friends also joined us, an older man in his 80s and one maybe in his 50s, who was very drunk. The older man claims to have started Barclay’s Bank in Botswana and had some really great stories. It was very odd to drink Yagermister shots with three old men lol. Anyways we got to our flight and I sat beside the nicest person and had a great conversation about God, and finding meaning in life, and whether our having good motives really is enough or if you do have to consider the consequences of what you do, even if it seems good. He drove me home in his gorgeous BMW ....definitely a good friend to make. On the way out of the airport Tony asked if I needed a drive to where I was staying and I mentioned that the man I sat beside, Ike, had offered and he lived right near where I was going. Tony pulled me aside and asked me who I trusted, and whether I could trust ‘him’ and then winked conspiratorially.
I looked right back at him and said I’m sure I know what you mean, but I think I’ll go with Ike. Guess that’s what you expect from someone who’s South African. There’s always that little hint of racism. As if I’m crazy for choosing to go with a well educated, intelligent Christian, who happened to be Motswana as opposed to going with a white, still slightly drunk man I met in a bar. Yeaaa.
Anyways I made it to the Big Five, where Dinah was staying for her training and snuck in to sleep there. For a day I was just another PeaceCorps.
We had a good indulgent weekend, went to see a movie, had a delicious lunch at a restaurant and even ordered pizza! I even braved the cold of the pool at Werner’s for about 5 seconds....at least the sun was warm :) We tried to changed the oil and fliter but we didn’t have the tools so I just decided to drive to Shakawe and hope things would be okay. Bright and early Monday morning we headed off to Shakawe. It ended up being a nice drive, about 11 hours long. We picked up two hitchhikers going to Kang, for the first stretch and they were nice enough, even paid us the bus fare. The next two weren’t so great, and told us they didn’t have any money... after we had driven them about 250km! Now much smarter we asked people before the got in if they had money, since we expect at least some contribution. We picked up three guys just outside Ghanzi who happened to be going right near Shakawe. They were about our age and really nice and definitely made the trip much more interesting. I love picking up hitchhikers lol because you get the best stories and make great connections. It also just makes a great picture. The one old man we picked up who said he didn’t have any money was carrying a bright red guitar and a shotgun. In he squished into the little blue fiat with three LeKoa with Flogging Mollys playing on the radio lol. Anyways the drive was good until the road to Shakawe which typically doesn’t have half of the road... and is full of potholes and animals. We made it alive though and without incident... minus a really nice but dumb bird which I killed....
It feels great to have a car, like I really live here lol.... although there’s currently no unleaded fuel available right now.. since the pump is broken yet again. But once it is we’re going to head to Namibia to get my car serviced and go see some waterfalls !

Now I think we’re at about Tuesday... which I think passed by uneventfully. We just went and handed out flyers for the permagardening workshop which is coming up fast and spoke with some people about their interest in coming and contributing. We also dropped in on a friend who just found out they have TB.
Wednesday was definitely much more ‘eventful’. We had a staff meeting that went sour...or exploded. My coordinator really rubs me the wrong way. The meeting was fine until he turned to the health program and some feedback from the directors of Kuru. His tone changed and became very personal and accusing. It was okay, and I actually agreed with much of what he was saying about a lack of communication and other issues.
But I did not agree that we should be separate from TOCaDI or leave Letloa... anyways that is way too big of an issue to explain.
Then one of my co-workers asked a question about Shaikarawe and the patient that I mentioned earlier. He wanted to know why we didn’t take her to the clinic when we had transport and were in the village. He said that she was left until she could not breastfeed...he didn’t know that at this point she was in the hospital in Gumare. So this was all in Setswana and I asked for it to be translated but Galefele didn’t really understand the situation so he talked about it first in Setswana. Then he began to accuse me of how I could do that without even asking what actually happened. So I began to explain and try to speak over him since he’s not letting me speak. Of course this challenges his authority and he tells me to be quite. He goes on saying that what we did what against Kuru policy, which it’s not, and that he would never have done that... Meanwhile his voice and mine are getting louder, basically things escalated and he told me to leave the room. So i said NO. He did not like this and said that he was the coordinator and how could I say no. I told him I was a co-worker and that he could listen to my side of the story. I said that I would stay and finish this discussion like an adult. Well he just sat and stared at me until Dinah interrupted and tried to explain to him our side and view that driving patient’s around would only create a precedent and would not encourage pressure to be put on the government to actually deal with the problems at hand.
Well he wouldn’t listen and the topic moved on. Basically that bridge is burned... but seriously! I don’t care???! Are you kidding.. I spent a week wrangling on the phone for the proper channels to be followed so that these middle level government officials would get off their butts and do their work!
So that situation has stressed me out quite a bit and I woke up not feeling great, with lots of tension in my neck. Couldn’t even keep down my pain killers so I spent my day in bed practically. But the great thing is that everyone in my workplace came by to visit and were incredibly supportive. The staff in D’Kar have told me that it’s not my fault and even if I was acting out of line, he’s the coordinator and should know better than making personal attacks in a staff meeting. I’ve also been told that we did do the right thing with the patient....the thing is that I actually agree a bit with Galefele... If that woman had died it would be my fault. I actually don’t know if she’s okay...or her twins. I mean we were there... we know that the system doesn’t work....Should we have just broken the rules and taken her to the hospital and then spent the time on the phone pressuring and haggling the officials...? Are they even going to care if one woman, especially a San woman that they view is lazy ( as I have been told by the clinic staff ) dies? I don’t want to be clinical and bureaucratic.. and that’s what I was doing....
Yesterday I saw a dog eating the face off of a dead horse. The circle of life?

Sept 2nd

It’s beginning to be fall at home and summer here is just beginning...and man is it finally getting hot! It’s nice.. but not when you have to be in office clothes and sit at your desk in the stagnant heat... but at night and in the morning lets just say it’s lovely.
We’ve had no water for three weeks now, and I’ve grown accustomed to going down to the river, checking the standpipe in the middle of the night to see if it’s working and driving to the pipe in town to fill drinking water buckets. While looking for water that was semi clean at the river I stumbled upon a nice beach... actually I was led to it by some children who told me not to take the water I was gathering... so I did... That’s when I had the brilliant idea to go swimming :)
Morgan and I headed down to the river... yes the Okavango river to bathe and it was awesome! Cold water and soap are a great combination after weeks of terrible bucket baths... only every now and then. Luckily there were lots of children splashing and making noise around us... so no fear of crocodiles... but the next time we went it was freaky since there was no one there! Not even a cow crossing the river... creepy... but at least I was clean :)
Yesterday the power was cut... since TOCaDI again failed to pay their bills.. what sucks about that is that I live at TOCaDI! Bad situation right.. so my entire freezer was chucked.... likely should have thrown out the mayo too.. but I just can’t part with it... it tastes like real mayo and I got it in Maun.. the mayo here is bitter like soya mayo... ick. But luckily that was a problem that was actually solved quickly.
Anyways it’s too hot in here to think so i’m going to finish this later...