Waiting waiting waiting....

so tired. wellness day today - June 21st


June 22

Yesterday was Wellness Day at TOCaDI. Dinah and I stayed up late into the night making posters and a huge banner out of condoms, eagerly anticipating the next day. It started off terribly.I slept late. There was no staff on time. The guests just started arriving around 9 am...But considering all that it went well. We had about 70 attendees and we had speakers on TB, HIV/AIDS and malaria. We also gave away prizes for games, pamphlets at the health education stalls and had lunch. It was an okay day, but there were definitely some frustrating moments.
For instance the lack of recycling programs is frustrating especially with a giant pile of styrofoam to look at while we eat. There also seems to be a lack of motivation by everyone in general and absolutely no willingness to work on their own time unless there is so personal gain from it. I wonder if we in the development world have created this....? Then there was the problem with the woman who came to offer testing for HIV/AIDS. We had at least women come up to us and ask to be tested and she turned them away, first saying that she would only test TOCaDI staff, then saying she couldn’t not test them since they had been tested in the last three months, and then finally admitting she had only brought 9 testing kits. Why bring 9 kits when she knew that there would be 100 guests who could all potentially be tested? This was a little annoying, especially since it was supposed to run all day and ran maybe for a few hours. I didn’t get tested because of it.
..........its been 7 weeks...feels like 2 days....it also feels like its been years. I’m ready to go home....I find myself wishing I would get cerebral malaria so I could go home....ick.
Oh guitar I hope your soothing sounds and synesthesia will be able to keep me at least civil instead of turning into a bitter grouchy person...and I was afraid of being a politician...lol
Well at least I have my one coping mechanism left, WINE... which isn’t actually a good one..but at least it’s there.
I still have no idea what to research...nor do I really have any interest in doing research here. ... there seems to be perfectly adequate people here to do their own social research.. and they only things I would carry out would basically criticize and demoralize the people...
Everything is depressing, why don’t people do something?...why don’t people change their behaviour?
We got a hunk of cow. Yes Cow. we almost got the tail even... we stopped by a Hambukushu woman’s home and she had just slaughtered one and gave us some... complete with dirt and flies :) So my freezer has a hunk of cow ribs in it. Needless to say we’ll need some wine to wash it down.
Frisco’s working on getting me a horse... and I still have to go to the police station to work out whether I can ride their horses..but I should bring someone with me I guess so that I don’t look like I’m a crazy white girl trying to ride their horses...so I have to wait for that as well.
Tomorrow we’re headed out to a settlement, finally,... only after about 7 weeks of waiting... no wonder the health program isn’t working.

Anyone want to fake a death so that I can rush home??? Seriously?

You know it’s hard enough for me to make friends with those of my own ‘culture’, which I never really seem to fit into. Here its a thousand times worse. Why can I not seem to click with anyone? Am I that bitter? I need to change my attitude....but this is that ever present question...how do you change behaviour? And we all know the answer.. subconsciously at least....

anyways i’m eating my last piece of gum without aspartame ....and am thinking about what movie to watch. alone. which I am actually saying with pleasure.. as you guessed it I am slightly tired of people’s company. I had grown to enjoy my slow quiet mornings with the sunrise... and now I have banging pots, singing and the mandatory ‘good morning’.... Yelena I miss you! You understood my hatred of mornings.. and oh how I miss smoking shisha with you and Daisy ...
I miss my dogs soooo much... who knew what an addiction animals are. I feel like I’m in animal withdrawl. I find myself letting the donkeys into the compound so that I can hear them snorting :)

There's a choir singing in our property right now, its really nice...should try recording it one day. the one thing I don't like about the music here is that it's incredibly repetitive...and also makes use of too many electronic instruments.........
yeah ciao have nothing else to say.